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Subject: OT: Simpsons Quotes
Posted by: Matt G
- [306442513] Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 14:46
I was on the ESPN boards and I saw this topic over there, it got a ton of response so I figured today was a slow baseball day so I'd start it up here and see what happens. I got some good ones, they are all IIRC though so correct me if you wish...
Skinner: "Nimbles, chew through my ballsac."
Homer: "Don't be sad boy, people die all the time, why you could wake up dead tomorrow... Well goodnight."
Willy: "Just don't be reading my mind between 4 and 5, That's Willy TIME!"
Homer: "Stick up for yourself Poindexter."
Bart: "That's just something adults make up to scare kids, like the Boogie man or Michael Jackson." |
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| 27 | Chris
ID: 235563022
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 19:50
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I could probably list 30 of them...All these are from one episode alone(Lemon of Troy, Shelbyville steals Springfield's lemon tree).
"You must be stupider than you look"
"Stupider like a fox!"
"Sounds like Springfield has a discipline problem"
"Yeah, that must be why we beat them in football nearly half the time."
"It's all as useless as that lemon-shaped rock over there...wait a second, there's a lemon behind that rock!"
"Step over this line and say that. We'll kick your butts.....at Nintendo"
"I'll use these spray cans as jet packs and fly to safety!", as Bart proceeds to spray paint his feet green.
"Whoa, the fire hydrants here are YELLOW!"
"This place is starting to freak me out!"
"Now if you'll excuse me, all this talking has made me hungry."
Impound owner bites into lemon, as his face puckers up.
I'll think of more later.
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| 28 | jimmy
Leader
ID: 96421922
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 20:12
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Marge: The Plant called and said if you don't come in tommorow, don't bother coming in on Monday.
Homer: WOOHOO! four day weekend!
Homer: I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckest buncha sucks that ever sucked.
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| 29 | Razor
Donor
ID: 12644285
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 20:13
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That last one with the lemon is my favorite moment from that episode. Classic. I died laughing the first time I saw that.
Marge: It's funny but I've noticed that my mom and your dad are very lonely." (trying to get them together)
Homer: Hehehee. That is funny
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| 30 | kev
ID: 11438306
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 20:13
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I'm Idaho!
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| 31 | Perm Dude
Leader
ID: 2065918
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 20:17
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Remember when Bart gave away Santa's Little Helper? He was sad at the table and started crying about it. Homer tells him: "Crying is not going to bring back your dog! Unless your tears smell like dog food."
Then Homer says: "So, you can either eat can after can of dog food until you're so full of dog food that your tears start smelling like dog food, or you can go out there and do something about it."
Bart: "You're right! I'm going to go out there and find him!"
Homer: "Doh! Almost had the boy eating dog food."
They have the first season on DVD now, which is awesome. I can't believe how many good episodes were just that first year: Homer's Night Out, Bart the Genius, Crepes of Wrath, babysitter bandit episode, Marge and Jacques the Bowling dude [French Accent]"Brunch. It's not quite breakfast and not quite lunch. But you get a good meal!"[/French Accent].
pd
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| 32 | Slackjawed Yokel
Sustainer
ID: 668290
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 21:25
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Most folks'll never lose a thumb, but then again some folks'll, like Cletus the Slackjawed Yokel...
Disco Stu likes disco music.
And one of my system beeps --> Good rice, good curry, good Gandhi let's hurry. (apu)
Purple's a fruit. (homer)
It tastes like burning.
What's a battle? (ralphie)
More testicles means more iron. (cafeteria lady/nurse)
And probably somewhat pertinent to this forum -- was Homer without beer watching baseball - "I never realized how boring this game was" Homer must not have had any of the players for the Isotopes on his smallworld team
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| 33 | Matt G
ID: 96381123
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 21:52
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I am not Matt Groening, I am Matt Groff, but yes I thought about that too. I think I have a few more...
Grand Pa: "think of me when you're having the best sex of your life."
Ralph: "I bent my wookie."
"Hi super nintendo Chalmers."
Homer: "Cover for me" (At work to Mr. Burns.)
Homer:"Awww why won't lenny and carl let me in there stupid crappy club for jerks" (Stone Cutters Episode)
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| 34 | WiddleAvi
ID: 4752929
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:03
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I probably don't have this exactly right but:
The sign on either the hospital or the Mental institution is something like "Satisfaction guarenteed or the funeral is free"
Then the radio station plays this quote from Homer "Just go out there and have a good time and if you lose I'll kill you"
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| 35 | biliruben
Sustainer
ID: 3502218
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:04
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"We're just Lenny and Carl. You know, like Cher."
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| 36 | WiddleAvi
ID: 4752929
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:15
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I also love it whe Homer is talking to Lenny & Carl and has no idea which one is which.
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| 37 | CanEHdian Pride
Donor
ID: 426351415
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:16
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Bear Patrol Episode.
{as close as I can remember}
Homer: Awww...Bear Tax. That's not fair, I pay the Homer Tax the bears should pay the Bear Tax
Lisa: That's the Home Owner's Tax dad
Homer: Oh.
Homer: Well the Bear Patrol is sure working out well, not a bear in sight
Lisa: Dad that is like saying this rock is a Tiger Repelling Rock because there are no Tigers around
Homer: How much for that rock?
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| 38 | Rogue's Strikers
ID: 8652291
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:17
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Setting: Cemetary (don't remember who died.)
Homer: (Groan) "I'm hungry. I want a hot dog."
Marge: "Homer, you're in the middle of a cemetary, you're not going to find any hot dogs here."
(Bell Ringing)
That guy with the smart-ass Brooklyn accent: "Hot dogs, get your hot dogs!"
Marge: "What do you do, follow my husband around?"
Guy: "Lady, he's putting my kids threw college!"
--------------------------------------------
The airshow episode:
Grandpa: "Thats the Wright Brothers plane! Single handedly won us the civil war it did!"
Bart: "Wow Grandpa, how do you know so much about history?"
Granda: "I pieced most of it together from the backs of sugar packets."
-----------
Air Force pilot: "ETA to intercept, point two seconds..." (Planes go wizzing by) "Target's speed insufficient for intercept, suggest we get out and walk."
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Bart: "Way to guard the parking lot Top Gun!"
Annoying boy with squeeky voice: "Hey! I get two medals for this!"
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Military General: "We've searched every corner of this base looking for Bob and all we've found is porno, PORNO, PORNO!"
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| 39 | Rogue's Strikers
ID: 8652291
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:32
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Skinner: "Well Edna, for a school with no Asian students I think we put on a pretty good science fair."
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| 40 | Rogue's Strikers
ID: 8652291
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:45
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Lisa: "I want the smartest hampster you've got."
Pet guy: (rolls eyes, selects hampster at random) "Uh, well, this guy writes mysteries under the name J.D. Mcgegor."
Lisa: "How can a hampster write mysteries?"
Pet guy: "Uh, well, he gets the ending first and then works backwards."
Lisa: "Oh cmon."
Pet guy: "Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, alright?"
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| 41 | Puckprophet
ID: 54371812
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 22:49
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re 34 ...or the autopsy is free...
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| 42 | Tim G
Donor
ID: 59126280
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 23:05
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Concerning Rogue's post #38. The airshow episode was awesome. Sideshow Bob, The Scorpions, Colonel Leslie H (?) Hapablatt and Grandpa at the port-a-john, "this elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess down there."
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| 43 | Rogue's Strikers
ID: 8652291
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 23:21
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When they're searching the base for Bob and two soldiers open a hangar door, and you see a small alien inside, one of the soldiers yells "Look out, he's got his probe!"
lol
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| 44 | Tim G
Donor
ID: 59126280
Mon, Jul 29, 2002, 23:39
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Marge has a headache and Homer comes back from the snack bar, "they didn't have any aspirin so I got you some cigarettes."
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| 45 | azdbacker
Donor
ID: 1832261
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 00:07
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Homer: All we have to do now is just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
Guy with a briefcase: My name is so-and-so and I represent the Arizona Cardinals.
Homer: Keep walkin.
Moe: Good decision Homer, you showed alot of poise.
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| 46 | Tim G
Donor
ID: 59126280
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 00:30
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Hank Scorpio gave Homer the Denver Broncos, not the Dallas Cowboys that he wanted, but it was before the Broncos won two superbowls.
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| 47 | Slackjawed Yokel
Sustainer
ID: 668290
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 00:49
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Homer gets pulled over and says he's going home from Moe's.
cop: what's Moe's?
Homer thinks 'don't say it's a bar, don't say it's a bar', says : "it's a pornography store, I was buying pornography." thinks 'good one brain, I woulda never thought of that'
---
Homer: Now it's time to play the waiting game... the waiting game sucks, let's play hungry hungry hippos!
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| 48 | stinkypuff
ID: 596372911
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 09:04
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Help me, Jeebus!
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| 49 | stinkypuff
ID: 596372911
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 09:09
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Wiggum arrests Ned: "Where's your Messiah now, Flanders?"
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| 50 | Mattinglyinthehall
ID: 1832399
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 09:19
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I was hoping I'd be able to dig this up. Here's an email sent to me some time ago:
THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J. SIMPSON
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!
...Except the weasel.
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'
I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life.
Number one, 'cover for me.'
Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'
Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"
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| 51 | jedman
Sustainer
ID: 27481118
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 09:32
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Homer: "To start press any key. WHERE'S THE ANY KEY!!"
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| 52 | Matt G
ID: 306442513
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 09:54
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This is one of my favorites, might not be quite right but oh well. It's after Homer and Barney Leave the Duff Brewery and Homer gets a DUI.
Barney:"Give him the brethalizer!"
It beeps and homer gets put in the car.
Chief Wiggum:"Now Barney you'll be albe to get home safely right?"
Barney:"Sure Giant Beer, BURP."
Screeches off and hits Chief Wiggum.
From the episode from Bart sees his future.
Sung to the pina colada song...
Bart:"If you you like Refund adjustments, and the songs that I play, just send me some money, and I'll send you a tape."
RAlph:"Taaaaape he say taaaaaape."
I dunno if that last one is right, but its close enough.
About Santas little helper
Willy:"Yeah, I ate him, and I ate his crrrrap too."
Bart looks at him funny.
Willy:"You hearrrrd me."
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| 53 | t
ID: 180439
Tue, Jul 30, 2002, 11:14
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"When Marge joined the police academy i thought itd be cool and funny like that movie...spaceballs, but instead its disturbing and weird like that movie police academy"
"I saw a movie like that once, it was about a bus and how its SPEED couldnt go over 55 miles per hour and if its SPEED slowed down the bus would explode...I think it was called The Bus that couldnt slow down"
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| 54 | Rogue's Strikers
ID: 51649312
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 02:13
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McBain: "My eyes, the goggles do nothing!"
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| 55 | CanEHdian Pride
Donor
ID: 426351415
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 08:07
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Except the weasel....hahahahaha
classic!
[Homer inside "The Little Black Box" pilot's bar]
Bartender: Sorry only pilots can drink here
Homer: I am a pilot
Bartender: If you're a pilot then where is your uniform
Hommer: I stowed it in the overhead compartment
Bartender: Well, you talk the talk...here ya go [hands him beer]
[Homer wins a trip to anywhere in the United States....excluding the freak states- Hawaii and Alaska]
Homer: Hey kids, we won a trip to anywhere in the United States, where do you wanna go?
Bart: Alaska!
Lisa: Hawaii!
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| 56 | Bodacious Tatahs
ID: 456553014
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 09:25
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Homer singing triumphantly:
I am so so smart
SMRT!
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| 57 | Matt G
ID: 306442513
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 11:32
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I saw a classic on yesterday... Its one where Homer Goes crazy from insomnia because he does a little quiz that says he's going to die when he turns 42. This scene is him at the Shrink
Shrink: "I suggest a little rest and relaxation, in Florida."
Homer:" But Florida, that's America's Wang."
I had another but i forgot it, DOH!
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| 58 | Ender
ID: 13443221
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 11:56
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Bart: "Santa's Little Helper just hasn't been the same since his bitch moved in."
----
Homer (in the insane asylum with Michael Jackson): "Pancakes, football, boobies"
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| 59 | Slackjawed Yokel
Sustainer
ID: 668290
Thu, Aug 01, 2002, 23:58
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Anybody see South Park this week? I think it was a re-run from earlier this year - anyway if you can catch it this weekend, it's pretty funny. One of the kids (Pip, I think) is trying to destroy South Park, but whenever he comes up with a plan, his sidekick says, "Nope. Simpsons did it." (his first plan is to build a big shield to block the sun, others are to shake up all the beer cans with paint mixers, etc.) Finally, it drives him crazy until everyone he sees seems to be a Simpsons character, and the animation style changes.
Speaking of South Park, my favorite quote from it has to be: "Everything's legal in Mexico, that's the American way."
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| 60 | Matt G
ID: 306442513
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 16:51
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The kid that was trying to be evil is Butter, Pip is the english kid that they make fun of... I know too much about TV. I need a life.
That episode was a classic one, thats not even the best part of the episode either, its cartman buying semen from the sperm bank.
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| 61 | patjams
ID: 43733212
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 18:43
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Not sure of any quotes from the episode, but the one where Homer is wearing the mumu (sp?) is a classic.
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| 62 | KrazyKoalaBears
Donor
ID: 266182910
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 18:45
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Saw a rerun yesterday where Homer and Marge find their "spark" again by having sex in places where they could get caught. They're getting ready to kiss and Homer says: "I'm drunk on love... and beer."
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| 63 | Mattinglyinthehall
ID: 3711402623
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 19:45
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Burns: Use the open faced club, the sand wedge.
Homer: mmmmmm open faced club sandwiches...
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Moe: My butt skinks, I got a big butt and I like to smell my own butt.
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| 64 | James K Polk
ID: 13516513
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 19:48
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Re: post 60 ... and Cartman's description of buying semen from the guy in the alley.
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| 65 | Tim G
Donor
ID: 59126280
Fri, Aug 02, 2002, 20:36
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Mr Prez., he didn't have to pay for it remember? "All I had to do was close my eyes and suck it out of a hose." Could anybody tell what Stan mumbled to him after that?
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| 66 | Perm Dude
Dude
ID: 030792616
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 01:14
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What a classic thread! I was reminded of it when I saw an episode of the Simpsons the other day, with this now classic:
"If Scooby Doo has taught me anything it's that the only thing to fear is crooked real estate developers." Lisa Simpson
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| 67 | Tribe
Sustainer
ID: 56840617
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 01:37
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Seeing this thread reminds me of my favorite line!
Homer: Boy Lisa you sure are packing light.
Lisa: Maybe your just getting stronger.
Homer: Well I have been eating more!
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| 69 | holt
ID: 3901967
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 11:51
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the police academy references remind me of this Homer classic:
"What are you kids laughing at? If you say Jimmy Fallon, I'll know you're lying."
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| 70 | Frick@Work
Donor
ID: 3410101718
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 12:02
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Homer "You know that these so called volunteers don't even get paid"
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| 71 | Boxman
ID: 120181214
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 16:24
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Homer "I believe the children are our future. *Smashes his fist into his other open hand.* Unless we stop them now!"
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| 72 | Khahan
ID: 3211122215
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 17:05
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And other classic Simpson Quotes from Homer:
I am smart. I am smart. S-M-R-T. Doh!
Save me Jeebus!
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| 73 | Razor
ID: 36241218
Fri, Jan 13, 2006, 11:10
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Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, sir... Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre...
Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!
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| 74 | RebelFan
Sustainer
ID: 014833716
Fri, Jan 13, 2006, 16:04
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While in Canada on a movie studio tour
Homer:"I see you drive on the left side of the road up here."
Driver:"Nah I'm just drunk."
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| 75 | R9
Leader
ID: 02624472
Fri, Jan 13, 2006, 19:33
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When Mr. Burns orders Smithers to take a vacation.
Smithers: "If my replacement does better then me it'll make me look bad, so I need to find someone bad enough to make me look good."
He does a database search of the company employees.
"Let me see... lets search for 'incompetent.' 714 results found! Heh heh, I guess I better refine my search."
He types in 'incompetent, fat, lazy, stupid, ugly...' Computer shows 714 results found. "Ah nuts to this, I'll just go get Homer Simpson."
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| 76 | Perm Dude
ID: 154552311
Fri, Jun 05, 2009, 19:44
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I just had to BUTT this one up. I still LOL at a lot of these.
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| 77 | holt
ID: 303502019
Fri, Jun 05, 2009, 20:59
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Milhouse quote from the classic Shelbyville episode:
"They're always eating candy in Shelbyville. They love the sweet taste"
It loses something in print but watching Milhouse say it just puts me in tears.
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