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Subject: Greatest Baseball Movie lines? Posted by: SCHMEGGA - [441113284] Sun, Apr 08, 17:13 Just thought I would provide a little sidenote for todays action. I was just watching A-Rod standing on 1st talking with Olerud and it brought back a good line from a baseball movie. "How's your wife and my kids?"-- Major League ROFL | ||||||
| 46 | peterl ID: 45420316 Sun, Apr 08, 22:43 | Nice thread, SHMEGGA. Several years ago there was a made for cable TV movie "Long Gone". Good action, good actors(Wm. Peterson played a baseball player named Stud Cantrell). Some hilarious lines in this one. Might be hard to find, though. HBO, I believe? | |||||
| 47 | Johnny Canuck ID: 2332510 Sun, Apr 08, 22:46 |
"Tonight the cathedral that is Yankee Stadium belongs to a Chapel!" -For Love of the Game- | |||||
| 48 | azdbacker ID: 12552414 Sun, Apr 08, 22:51 |
Major League: Uecker "Juuust a bit outside, shot the corner and missed." (As the pitch sails to the backstop) Uecker "Ball 12. How can these guys lay off pitches that close"? Uecker "For the Indians, no runs on four hits... that's all we got is four godd*mn hits?" Partner: 'You can't say GD on the radio' Uecker "Aw to hell with it, nobody's listening anyway." Uecker "Welcome to another edition of TeePee Talk. Hey, in case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance, you haven't - the Indians have managed to win a few games here and there and are threatening to break out of the cellar." "Sh*t, I been cut already?!" - Willie 'Mays' Hayes | |||||
| 49 | JeffG ID: 2444220 Sun, Apr 08, 22:54 |
"Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometime it rains" - Bull Durham. "Here comes the duece, and when you speak of me, speak well." - Bull Durham. "Man that ball got outta here in a hurry, you know anything that travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?" - Bull Durham "Come on, lets break it up out here. What are you guys talking about?". "Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old-man is here. We need a live roost . . . was it a live rooster? We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove. And, nobody seems to know what to give Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. Is that about right? We are dealing with a lot of %^&*." "Candlesticks always make a nice gift. And, maybe you can find out where she's registered. Maybe a place setting, or maybe a silverware pattern is good." - Bull Durham "You lollygag the ball around the infield, you lollygag your way down to first, you lollygag in and out of the dugout, do you know what that makes you? Larry?" "Lollygagers" - Bull Durham "Strike outs? Strike outs are facist" - Bull Durham "Is this heaven?" "No, it's Iowa." - Field of Dreams. "Dad, do you want to have a catch?" - Field of Dreams "Frank! It's the right fielder. He has a gun". "That umpire just saved the Queen". "Mayor, thats not the umpire." "Hey, it's Enrico Pallazo!" - The Naked Gun "Papa, what are those pillows out there?" "Those are not pillows mama. They are bases. You slide into them." "I slide into them?" "Just watch the game mama." - Pride of the Yankees. "What would happen if during the game, oops, my breasts pop out." "You think there are any guys left out there who haven't seen your breasts?" - A League of Their Own. "Did you know Mickey Mantle's sister was a nun?" "Oh really, what was her name?" "Sister Micki Mantle, but I believe she spelled her name with an I". - The Scout "King Kong wouldn't use the stairs. Your chariot awaits." - The Scout | |||||
| 50 | azdbacker ID: 12552414 Sun, Apr 08, 23:00 |
Good ones Jeff. Growing up a Brewer fan, and listening to Ueck on the radio daily, it's funny how almost every line he said in 'Major League' sounded like he always sounds. My last year in Wisconsin I always had the sneaking suspicion that every time he said, "Just a bit outside", the ball was actually sailing back to the backstop. OT - Anyone catch Caddyshack on ESPN Classic tonight? | |||||
| 51 | Blade ID: 91129311 Sun, Apr 08, 23:03 |
This is off topic but the best was when Kramer from Seinfeld went to the baseball game and got pegged off in the head with a foul ball..then he started calling everybody by different names. that show rules. | |||||
| 52 | biliruben ID: 231045110 Sun, Apr 08, 23:15 |
Some risque quotes from bull durham: "You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate." Annie "Well, I believe in the soul, the c**k, the p***y, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. [pause] Goodnight." Crash | |||||
| 53 | biliruben ID: 231045110 Sun, Apr 08, 23:17 |
This might better belong in the first OT thread: Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." You could look it up. -Annie, Bull Durham | |||||
| 54 | Gman15 ID: 290171720 Sun, Apr 08, 23:24 |
One I just heard watching "A League of Their Own": "Jimmy, can I have you autograph?" "Wow - avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan" "That's good advice!" | |||||
| 55 | SCHMEGGA ID: 59139130 Mon, Apr 09, 01:34 |
How about this: (Kinda long but well worth it) Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager gave me a job as coach for as long as your on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if your the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I've net the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Costello: His brother Daffy Abbott: Daffy Dean... Costello: And their French cousin. Abbott: French? Costello: Goofe' Abbott: Goofe' Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third... Costello: That's what I want to find out. Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Costello: Are you the manager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You gonna be the coach too? Abbott: Yes. Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names. Abbott: Well I should. Costello: Well then who's on first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the fellow's name. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The first baseman. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy playing... Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: I'm asking you who's on first. Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Who's playing first? Abbott: That's right. Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy that gets... Abbott: That's it. Costello: Who gets the money... Abbott: He does, every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and coll- ects it. Costello: Who's wife? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Abbott: What's wrong with that? CoI wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy. Abbott: Who. Costello: How does he sign... Abbott: That's how he signs it. Costello: Who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base. Abbott: No. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: One base at a time! Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.tello: I'm not changing nobody! Abbott: Take it easy, buddy. Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base? Abbott: That's right. Costello: Ok. Abbott: Alright. PAUSE Costello: What's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him. Costello: Now how did I get on third base? Abbott: Why you mentioned his name. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? Abbott: No. Who's playing first. Costello: What's on base? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third. Costello: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it. Abbott: Alright, what do you want to know? Costello: Now who's playing third base? Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base? Costello: What am I putting on third. Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: You don't want who on second? Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta outfield? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought I'd ask you. Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field. Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field? Abbott: No, What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first! Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because! Abbott: Oh, he's center field. PAUSE Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The pitcher's name? Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You don't want to tell me today? Abbott: I'm telling you now. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow! Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Costello: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to know what's the pitcher's name? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Gotta a catcher? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: The catcher's name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching. Abbott: Now you've got it. Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE Costello: You know I'm a catcher too. Abbott: So they tell me. Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitch- ing on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Abbott: That's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Yes! Costello: Now who's got it? Abbott: Naturally. PAUSE Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No you don't you throw the ball to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's different. Costello: That's what I said. Abbott: Your not saying it... Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: You throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's what I said! Abbott: You ask me. Costello: I throw the ball to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Now you ask me. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who? Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn! Abbott: What? Costello: I said I don't give a darn! Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop. THE END | |||||
| 56 | ksoze ID: 001731 Mon, Apr 09, 01:47 |
A little off topic yet a little on topic: "Team, team..." -The poor sap at the dinner table in The Untouchables right before Al Capone bludgeons him to death with a baseball bat. | |||||
| 57 | Chris ID: 235563022 Mon, Apr 09, 01:49 |
Speaking of guys talking at first base... "You have any naked pictures of your wife? ... You want some?" Mr Baseball | |||||
| 58 | *Jessica* ID: 574112114 Mon, Apr 09, 08:00 |
"What's the matter with you? You don't swing at a 3-0 pitch!" Bad News Bears | |||||
| 59 | Narcolepsy ID: 23456415 Mon, Apr 09, 08:03 | I think it is Dave Barry who said "Men and women are very different. For example if a ball and a baby were thrown in the air at the same time the woman will catch the baby every time without even stopping to consider whether or not there are runners on base." | |||||
| 60 | *Jessica* ID: 574112114 Mon, Apr 09, 08:11 |
"Someone's gonna hafta pay for this windshield Engleberg, and I think it's gonna be your father." "Bull$hit." More Bad News Bears :) | |||||
| 61 | BF Dead ID: 471122196 Mon, Apr 09, 08:50 |
First base, Bugs Bunny. Second base, Bugs Bunny. Third base, Bugs Bunny... I know it's a cartoon, but it's great one. | |||||
| 62 | Johnny-Canuck ID: 32335910 Mon, Apr 09, 10:48 |
Uecker: This guy even threw at his own kid in a father/son game! -Major League- | |||||
| 63 | tommyd ID: 15912231 Mon, Apr 09, 10:54 |
not really a line but "thunk"- sound of tim robbins hitting the mascot with a wild pitch. | |||||
| 64 | costanza ID: 342122110 Mon, Apr 09, 11:00 |
Oh, she may get wooly... But young girls they do get wooooooly, Becaaaaauuse of all the stress... - Nuke, singing. Bull Durham. | |||||
| 65 | Unitas ID: 525289 Mon, Apr 09, 11:10 | I don't recall who wrote it, but "Baseball is just a father and son having catch." or something to that extent. | |||||
| 66 | 3team ID: 491147115 Mon, Apr 09, 11:10 |
"Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability." Phyrre56 & 41 jedi_council: That is the best line in "The Matrix" | |||||
| 67 | saber34 ID: 42314911 Mon, Apr 09, 11:23 |
Best movie ever is the Sandlot.... ball 4, ball 8, and Vaugn walks the bases loaded on 12 straight pitches... | |||||
| 68 | Blade ID: 91129311 Mon, Apr 09, 11:31 |
"If I had Just Hit That Ball" Mr Destiny | |||||
| 69 | Jonolicious ID: 23117814 Mon, Apr 09, 11:32 |
"Hey is that your sister on in right field naked?" (pitch on the way) "she's naked." Then sandlot does rule | |||||
| 70 | Nuclear Gophers ID: 129142218 Mon, Apr 09, 11:38 | I hate this f---ing song. Major leagues | |||||
| 71 | Nuclear Gophers ID: 129142218 Mon, Apr 09, 11:39 |
This guys dead!!! Then cross him off!!!! Major Leagues | |||||
| 72 | Nuclear Gophers ID: 129142218 Mon, Apr 09, 11:49 | Clear the mechanism. For the love of the game | |||||
| 73 | Whitey ID: 2543539 Mon, Apr 09, 11:51 | Even funnier than some of the classic lines in this thread is the way some people keep butchering the actual lines. You would think it would be easier to remember a five or six word line word-for-word... | |||||
| 74 | Popular ID: 39835218 Mon, Apr 09, 12:07 |
"I should have been a farmer." "Good-bye Mr. Spalding!" Both from The Natural. Popular | |||||
| 75 | Species ID: 492332715 Mon, Apr 09, 12:09 |
"Hit the Bull" - Bull Durham "ooooh, I don't know. Can I get back to you on that one? I've got a guy on line 3 about some white walls" - Major League | |||||
| 76 | patjams ID: 8310912 Mon, Apr 09, 12:18 |
"You better back up suckas, cause I feel good!" | |||||
| 77 | Whitey ID: 2543539 Mon, Apr 09, 12:20 | Good one, patjams. What was the kids name on the Bears that said that?? | |||||
| 78 | patjams ID: 8310912 Mon, Apr 09, 12:25 | Don't remember Whitey and it's killing me. | |||||
| 79 | patjams ID: 8310912 Mon, Apr 09, 12:26 | For the record re: JW's post #6, wasn't that Harold Reynolds who said that and not James Earl Jones? ;O) | |||||
| 80 | patjams ID: 8310912 Mon, Apr 09, 12:31 | Whitey, I believe it was Toby. | |||||
| 81 | Wammie ID: 20039259 Mon, Apr 09, 15:16 | These new Baseball Tonight Ads are damn funny. | |||||
| 82 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 15:41 |
Crash: "Gimme the ball. Well, he really hit the sh*t out of that one, didn't he. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha." Nuke: "I held it like an egg." C: "Yea, and he scrambled the sonofabitch. Look at that, he hit the fickin' bull. Now, he gets a free steak. Ha ha ha. You havin' fun yet?" N: "Oh, ya. I'm havin' a blast, thanks." C: "Good. " N: "God, the sucker tee'd of on it like he knew I was gonna throw a fast ball." C: "He did know." N: "How?" C: "I told him." -- Bull Durham | |||||
| 83 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 15:45 |
Some days you win. Some days you lose. And some days, it rains. -- Bull Durham | |||||
| 84 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 15:48 |
[Opening narration.] Annie Savoy: I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball -- now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball. | |||||
| 85 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 15:52 |
Annie Savoy: Right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh? Millie: Well, he ficks like he pitches -- sorta all over the place. | |||||
| 86 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 16:07 | Terence Mann: The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. | |||||
| 87 | pogophiles ID: 3245839 Mon, Apr 09, 16:09 |
Dr. Archibald "Moonlight" Graham: Well, you know I... I never got to bat in the major leagues. I would have liked to have had that chance. Just once. To stare down a big league pitcher. To stare him down, and just as he goes into his windup, wink. Make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish for. Chance to squint at a sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingling in your arm as you connect with the ball. To run the bases -- stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That's my wish, Ray Kinsella. That's my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true? | |||||
| 88 | CanEHdian Pride ID: 426351415 Mon, Apr 09, 17:32 |
well seeing as it is one of my favorite baseball quotes and I don't want to butcher it I'll go out and rent For Love of The Game tonight and post the exact quote soon. I used to have it memorized when I worked at Blockbuster but can't seem to remember how it starts. | |||||
| 89 | biliruben ID: 3502218 Mon, Apr 09, 17:47 | Likely no need, pridemeister. Check: internet movie database is so cool! Are THEY making a profit? | |||||
| 90 | Gary ID: 381157822 Mon, Apr 09, 18:04 |
How about this one: Skip: Don't take this the wrong way Millie, but if I catch you in here again I'll ban you from the ballpark. Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark because my daddy donated the scoreboard. Skip: What do we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all season. From the movie Bull Durham | |||||
| 91 | patjams ID: 4346915 Mon, Apr 09, 18:09 |
This is the one I was searching for: "Well, I believe in the soul, the coc^, the pu$$y, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Goodnight." That is the greatest! | |||||
| 92 | biliruben ID: 3502218 Mon, Apr 09, 18:13 |
Ok, patjams - when you stole one of my posts, that was fine. Didn't mention it. Now you've stolen two, and so you should be punished. Punishment: Next time Dstew (or Stewart) posts a new thread, you must engage him exclusively in converstation for at least twenty posts, or until you gnaw your mouse hand off, which ever comes first. ;) | |||||
| 93 | CanEHdian Pride ID: 426351415 Mon, Apr 09, 18:17 |
Thanks billi but next to Rotoguru...IMDB is probably the site i visit most. Couldn't find it there though. I'll have my quote up a soon as I have time to watch it. | |||||
| 94 | patjams ID: 4346915 Mon, Apr 09, 18:29 | sorry bili, but I didn't want to butcher it so I had to wait until I could get it right. I'll leave the rest to you my friend. | |||||
| 95 | biliruben ID: 3502218 Mon, Apr 09, 18:30 | Don't think you can get out of it that easy! ;) | |||||
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