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Subject: T'was the night before Football
Posted by: Qwert Y. Uiop
- [585594] Sun, Sep 09, 04:55
T'was the night before football and all through the states,
men lay wake pondering their fantasy fates.
Who should I start? Can I win with this team?
I can't wait 'till kick-off and it's only 12:15!
So I woke up my neighbor and told him to meet me outside,
where I jumped over the bushes and hit 'em blindside.
"Don't bring that sh*t in here!" I said as I danced,
then I high fived the mailbox and straighted my pants.
That's when I heard footsteps speeding towards me,
so I pulled a spin move and my neighbor hit a tree.
I did the Icky shuffle as he layed there on the grass,
so I went to his house and f*&%@d his wife in the a*%.
And yes, I spiked the pillow when I finished in 3,
Now am I ready for some football? Encompassingly.
Merry Football to all, and to all a good night. |
| 1 | deepsnapper
Sustainer
ID: 52320226
Mon, Sep 09, 07:50
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Ed Gets His Wish
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -- until the boat sank.
He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her,"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed over from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. "How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the South side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut uice." "It's notcoconut juice," the woman replies. "I built a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her hand-woven couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses, "what next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. I know you've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean.....", he swallows excitedly....."
We can watch NFL Football from here?"
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| 2 | Tavito
ID: 1989814
Mon, Sep 09, 10:19
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lol
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