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Subject: Man Laws
Posted by: TB
- Sherpa [031811922] Fri, Dec 08, 2006, 23:45
http://www.manlaws.com/
I don't know if the ones below are from the site or just funny stuff. Anyway, would love to see more added if you run across them.
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) Especially when she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion. |
| 1 | katietx
ID: 3810431417
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 13:14
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ROFL - RE: #27...my son is getting his g/f a Wii for Christmas. Go figure.
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| 2 | sarge33rd
ID: 99331714
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 14:31
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add "BRAINS": Knowing enough to NOT say anything similar in any way, shape or form, to 29 above.
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| 3 | katietx
ID: 3810431417
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 16:08
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Good medical insurance will help with #29 as well. ;-)
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| 4 | Boxman
ID: 211139621
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 20:10
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We had an issue with #6 with my Bears game crowd.
#10: My wife knows what a Dutch Oven is. It's hysterical.
#16: They are spies in this case. That's why we pipe down whenever a wife shows up to drop off cigarettes or because she was "in the neighborhood". My friend's fiance wanted to watch a Bears game with us one time. After doing her best Stalin impersonation about what we "wanted" to order for lunch and complaining about the cursing, beer spilling and bush peeing, she wasn't invited back. My friend makes all the excuses in the world for her though.
#21: My workout buddy and I say similar things. I'll have to watch that from now on.
#25 is a rule in my house.
#28: Yes there is a reason. Because if I change the channel during ice skating or men's gymnastics during the Olympics I'm going to have one pi$$ed off woman on my hands. I just grab a good book or magazine and turn my ears off.
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| 5 | Weykool
Leader
ID: 41750315
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 22:39
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Boxman [4]
These are man laws.
If you need to read a book during figure skating or gymnastics then maybe they dont apply to you.
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| 6 | sarge33rd
ID: 76442923
Sat, Dec 09, 2006, 22:42
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roflmao
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| 7 | katietx
ID: 3810431417
Tue, Dec 12, 2006, 13:28
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What the hell are you laughing about sarge?.
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| 8 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Dec 14, 2006, 00:41
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Problem Posed - Man Law Solution
Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out?
- Six months, but only if she is drop-dead gorgeous.
If you bring Miller Lite to a party and not all of it is consumed, can you take the remainder with you as you leave the party?
- Tuck Rule: One beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.
If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once?
- No. "You poke it, you own it."
When toasting with beer, should you clink with the top or the bottom of the bottle?
- The Bottom, because clinking the top would qualify as kissing.
Is the high five officially played out?
- Yes, but a continuance has been issued until a replacement can be found.
Is crushing an empty beer can on your forehead acceptable?
- No, modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.
Is it permissible to hide your beer in the fridge so that others can't find it?
- No, Sharing is caring.
Wireless phone headsets - pretty cool or technology gone bad?
- Technology gone bad: Anything that makes you look like a crazy person - not cool.
Can you put a lime or any other fruit in your beer?
- No, fruit is completely off limits in beer. If one was to put fruit in a beer, they might as well put a little umbrella in it and call it a "beera colada". Man Law: "Don't Fruit the Beer"
Is it permissible, in the pursuit of humor, to tap the top of another man's beer bottle with the bottom of your beer bottle, causing the other man's beer bottle to fizz over?
- No, as there are plenty of other things that make us laugh without wasting a drop of beer, like Japanese game shows, Undercover Brother on DVD, and Jimmy Johnson's hair. Man Law: "No wasting beer in the pursuit of humor."
Have football fans become too reliant on the "D-Fence" sign?
- Yes, however a continuance has been issued on the "D-Fence" sign, while giving a try-out to the "Off-Fence" sign this season.
Is it acceptable for a man to leave his fellow men in order to leave with his woman?
- No, however this ruling can be overturned if she is deemed attractive enough by said fellow men.
Men don't have exercise outfits. They have workout clothes. No color-coordinated items. Gym shorts and old T- shirts. That's it.
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| 9 | katietx
ID: 3810431417
Thu, Dec 14, 2006, 10:47
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Is the high five officially played out?
- Yes, but a continuance has been issued until a replacement can be found.
I thought the new high five was the "rapping of fists together?" Or what about chest bumping? ;-)
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| 10 | sarge33rd
ID: 99331714
Thu, Dec 14, 2006, 12:49
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re 7???? when was the last time either one of us watched more than 12 seconds of figure skating, and thats done while channel surfing.
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