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Subject: (Untimely) Art Jr. Nominations
Posted by: Mark Felton, Art Jr
- Leader [4444938] Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 16:27
In the true spirit of the Art Jr. title, I forgot to put up the nomination thread yesterday, as decreed by the first holder of this great honor, Mr. President himself, James K. Polk. Here are the qualifications for the job:
Qualifications
This is easy. You must have done something dumb. Recently. And you must have enough good humor to post about it in the Art Jr. self-nomination thread.
Responsibilities
You must proudly affix the "Art Jr." suffix to your message board handle. You must do your best to bring levity to the boards, entertaining where you can. You must start the Wednesday nomination thread, the Thursday voting thread, and a Friday thread to pass the Art Jr. torch. And you must stoically bear the burden of dumb moves by anyone not strong enough to accept their weakness and walk in the glorious path of Art. Therefore, any gurupie may absolve themselves of their own stupidity by blaming you.
Powers
Oh yeah, the good stuff. As Art Jr., you are one part Chris Farley and one part Siddhartha. One part rumblin' stumblin' bumblin', and one part zen master. You have become one with your mistakes, and they empower you. (And in my case, you are also one part Pierce Brosnan, who apparently is the sexiest man alive. According to People magazine. But that's me.) Anyway, this combination qualifies you to point out potential stupidity when you see it, hopefully to keep it from bearing its dangerous fruit. If you come across someone staring into the abyss of asininity, a simple, "You know, that's what Art Jr. would do," should suffice. If however, you are confronted with a truly stunning display of lameness, you are authorized to take drastic action. Threatening to label someone with the dreaded "Shakira Jr." title might work, but please use your own creativity. Beyond that, every Art Jr. also has the power of flight (it comes in handy more than you'd think), the power to predict nights when Adrian Griffin will outscore Tmac, and the power to narrow down the list of Art Jr. self-nominations to a manageable number for the voting thread. That's it. Unless you feel like giving yourself a new set of powers. These worked fine for me, but we all have our own needs. Above all, however, please use your Art Jr. powers for good, not evil.
----------------------------------------------
Since JKP put himself in this prestigious position, I have the great honor of being the only person elected to hold the Art Jr. post. I have done quite a few dopey things in my time, but I believe I was selected by my fellows as Art Jr. for drafting and holding the immortal Felton Spencer for approximately one week this year in Ultimate Hoops.
I really doubt anyone can match that; it sets an astoundingly high (low) standard for Gurupie inanity. But I have a great deal of faith in my fellows.
It's up to me to start the nomination process. Some people might think that I should repeat; Felton Spencer is a dumb enough move for an entire month. In the interest of spreading the glory, however, I will refrain from nominating myself unless too few others step forward to claim a right to the Art Jr. title. In the true spirit of the award, you must nominate yourself, thereby demonstrating enough . . . well, something, to expose your own flaws and foibles for others to get a laugh about.
Let 'er flicker, folks. |
| 1 | Mark Felton, Art Jr
Leader
ID: 4444938
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 16:34
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Oh yeah, I wouldn't be Art Jr. if I didn't leave a few things out:
Nominations will be open until 9 am central tomorrow. We'll vote from 9 to 5, so we can have a new Art Jr. for the crucial weekend time. Unless, of course, I change my mind and exercise my powers as Art Jr. to extend either or both of these periods.
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| 2 | Mike D
Donor
ID: 441149419
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 18:24
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I would think those who nominated themselves last week could automatically be re-nominated based on the transitive property of geometry, or something like that.
(This would enable me to vote for allhair tomorrow.)
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| 3 | Mark Felton, Art Jr
Leader
ID: 4444938
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 18:38
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Allhair could also consider the fact that for the second consecutive week, he failed to cut me from his GMD team.
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| 5 | rockafellerskank
Donor
ID: 359283123
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 19:16
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............. some people seemed to think this was funny from the last Belly thread, so here goes.....My 1695 WWR Belly team sucks. Here's an example why:
Calvin Booth:
I started the season w/ Calvin Booth ($3480) and had him on my team until 11/14 (sold for $3020 - a $460K loss) During this time (9 SEA games), he accumulated 74 TSPN's which included 5 DNP's for an average of 74/9= 8.22 TSPN's per game.
Summary: lost $460K and got 8.2 TSPN's per game from a $3M slot.
Booth finally returns from his ankle inury to score 40 TSPN's on 11/20 .... so what do I do? I buy him the next day for $2810 (of course, I didn't get the 40 TSPN game) His value is now at $2180 netting me more losses of $630K. To date since the 2nd buy he has played in 10 games (+ 1 more DNP) In those 11 games he scored 139 TSPN's or 12.63 per game (incl the DNP).
Summary for my second round of Booth:
loss of $630K and net of 12 TSPN's per game for a $2M slot.
Grand total of damage for Booth:
Loss of $1,090,000 and an average of 10.65 TSPN's per game.
I still have him. :)
rfs
***** P.S. Booth was held all the way up to the first of his 2 last DNP's and sold for Haywood **********
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| 6 | TaRhEElKiD
ID: 42109719
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 19:47
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RFS-OMG! That is hilarious. How do you have a such a great fantasy basketball mind and do something like that?
:-)
I know Y2JS wants to nominate himself for a HUGE gramatical error. He will have to tell you about it.
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| 7 | Y2JS
ID: 48312723
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 21:58
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Alright I wasnt goin to do it but here it is, i'm nominating my self for the "Art Jr" title for having the worst gramatical skills in all of rotoguru history. Check it out if you so desire *sigh* English 101 Although i probaly made mistakes in even writing this nomination I think even more deserving then me is SweetGP20 for not knowing who Lew Alcindor is! LOL that was great
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| 8 | Ender
ID: 13443221
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 22:01
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I count 10 in that post alone. I didn't even bother checking the link ;)
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| 9 | DR Stars
ID: 4211161321
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:03
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I remember the Lew Alcindor one from GP, but he has to present it himself, so far I like rfs for tomorrow.
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| 10 | TaRhEElKiD
ID: 42109719
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:15
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I would have to go with RFS also, while Y2JS is a close second for stupidity. But I give my vote to RFS because the fact it is more closely related to stupidity of the TSN game.
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| 11 | gumby
ID: 4311191219
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:27
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RFS only because it is on point.
Joe Suspect wins for the non-Hoopage category.
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| 12 | smallwhirled
Donor
ID: 17152614
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:39
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Here's how it went this week.....
Have a great time on Tuesday night because I'm all done. I'm going home! Well now I'm home, and a series of events occurred that were pretty wierd.
I'm happy, happy, happy....It's all over, then I gladly turn the alarm off at 10:45 AM on Wed. to make some trades...woohoo. I'm confident at this point, and I think that I've come up with a pretty darn good plan IMO to make a dent in my WWR. So, I post my moves in a roster thread, and wait....patiently....for the price changes to be posted by J. Looks like I made a bunch of money, and pulled off all of the right moves post #8. .
I preach "Please don't ruin it for me." This is about my great day.
Well it turns out that SW goes down within the next 15 minutes. J ends up posting his thoughts on the matter. Just because my frickin handle resmbles SW, he blames it on me. The day was ruined from then on.
My day continued to go downhill. I send off one of my closer friends before I leave...he's transferring to the University of New Hampshire to be "closer to home." Then, my ride back to my home ends up being 2 hours late. I blew 8 bucks at McDonald's on the ride home b/c I couldn't wait any longer....My mom had a spaghetti dinner ready for me when I walked home that I couldn't touch due to my "munching" on various Big Macs. I arrive home and I get extremely bored b/c almost all of my friends are still in college, and the high school kids all have school the next morning. So, I'm bored off my ass with nothing to do, and I drop in here only to see Carter injured! Oh geez...I pulled the trigger finger too soon!
What a great/horrible day!
smallwhirled
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| 13 | PhillyTom
ID: 101055821
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:44
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...and Dampier blew up tonight!!!
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| 14 | smallwhirled
Donor
ID: 17152614
Thu, Dec 13, 2001, 23:48
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Now a damper day due to Dampier!
;)
He was a season long hold on my teams! Geez!
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| 15 | highlander643
ID: 2110182723
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 00:13
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Here's a stupid move : I bought A. Griffin on 12/9 pre freeze then sold him on 12/12 pre freeze. Wasting a trade for a sub 20 TNSP player to gain the extra game from Barry's spot.........
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| 16 | joe suspect
Donor
ID: 441143311
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 00:16
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highlander, that qualifies for the Art Sr. award.
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| 17 | SweetGP20
ID: 5611281320
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 00:22
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Now here's why I deserve the Art Jr. award!
I actually didnt know who Alcindor wa----
NAH! WHO AM I KIDDING! Give the award to Joe! :)
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| 18 | highlander643
ID: 2110182723
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 00:25
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I Would have to vote for SweetGP20 since he nominated himself now.
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| 19 | RicanRebel
ID: 121031010
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 00:39
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I'm am Art, I'm am Nomad, I am the Glover
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| 20 | PhillyTom
ID: 101055821
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:13
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GP has my vote if he doesn't know who Casius Clay is.
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| 21 | SweetGP20
ID: 5611281320
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:20
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Umm....Casius Clay? =_=
Guess I got your vote.
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| 22 | PhillyTom
ID: 101055821
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:21
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You're kidding? Will Smith's new role.
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| 23 | PhillyTom
ID: 101055821
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:22
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...before he became a muslim.
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| 24 | PhillyTom
ID: 101055821
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:23
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...and changed his name to....
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| 25 | Raz
ID: 35949280
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:24
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Just thought that I would point out, that (in true Art, Jr. fashion) the Nominations thread has slowly morphed into the Voting thread.
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| 26 | smallwhirled
Donor
ID: 17152614
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 01:40
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hehe, all the voters should be nominated as well!
;)
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| 27 | allhair allstars
Sustainer
ID: 561125147
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 08:16
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Ok. Didn't think I'd run a second time, but the lucidity of Mike D's mathematical logic made me reconsider. You know, if I'd have thought the competition would be so tough I would have held onto Art Glover another week!
1) I drafted Mark L. onto my GMD squad.
II) Although I've risen from last place to second to last in my GMD division since last week, my team still blows after falling from first place quicker than Y2JS could spell Mark Felton.
C) Mark L.'s Mark Felton team is beating my Art Glover team. (Ouch!!)
3.14) I actually held Art Glover on one of my teams for almost 3 weeks.
#) My first name really is Art, so the convergence of myself with the Art Jr. award is so completely synchronistic I'd practically be a walking harmonic convergence.
14) I run the standings everyday. Tell me that's not moronic.
b-a) I didn't reply to SW's prize distribution mail soon enough to redeem my hat last year.
y) See Mark L.'s post #3 above.
I have to stop now. Trust me, there's plenty of corroborative evidence.
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| 28 | allhair allstars
Sustainer
ID: 561125147
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 08:18
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addendum) I don't really know how to use "corroborative" in a sentence. Corroborating? Corroboratory? Sheesh.
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| 29 | Mike D
Donor
ID: 19105287
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 08:36
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The nominations may as well cease, with all the big words allhair was throwing around in his posts. ;)
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| 30 | DR Stars
ID: 162592010
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 08:45
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I think we NEED TO KNOW if GP was kidding with Casius Clay, because if he wasn't he's got my vote.
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| 31 | jedman
Sustainer
ID: 2702357
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 09:33
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To add to Allhair's diatribe, when I met with him and Ender in October for a nice dinner at the ESPN Zone, Allhair gave me such a good sob story about not getting his Small World prize hat and sounded so pathetic that I had no choice but to give him mine that I was proudly wearing at the time:-)
Art for Art Jr.
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| 32 | Mike D
Donor
ID: 19105287
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 09:51
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I just read this on Rotoworld, and this thread seemed like the best place to post it:
"Felton Spencer returned to action on Thursday and played one minute against the Pistons.
He hadn't played since hyperextending his elbow last month."
Mark L., you did us proud with your reign.
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| 33 | culdeus
Donor
ID: 51014269
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 09:52
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Under the wire....
Don't know why I am passing this on.
Background: BSEE condisidering options with MSEE possible. Work for major Semi company where I work with many many different mainframe CPU's Sun servers etc. to do my work. It's the time spent running processes which allow me to keep tabs on this board.
Problem: I upgraded my 233 PII to a 1.5G P4 recently because I wanted to setup a home wireless network and needed some more muscle. I went to Fry's picked up the box and took it home.
I plugged it all in and when I got completely done I plugged the power cord in and saw a light flash near a button. Thinking that was the power I pushed it. Nothing happened. Again... Nothing happened. Switched outlets. Again... Nothing happened.
I call tech support and soon realize that despite my extensive electronics background I cannot locate the power button on my new computer. This lands me in the "that guy" pantheon and IMO well worthy of the title "Art. Jr." for at least a week.
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| 34 | DR Stars
ID: 162592010
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 09:57
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Not bad culdeus, but I bet you know who Lew Alcindor and Casius Clay are...
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| 35 | Tomcraw
ID: 289503117
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 10:20
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Since Culdeus and I went to college together, I can attest that he has a degree in electrical engineering.
He has my vote, and not just because he couldn't find the power button, but that he actually called tech support.
I would guarantee GP isn't the only one that didn't know those guys changed their names. A new generation has arrived.
If culdeus doesn't get it then I think RFS should get it for holding that sad,sad man Calvin Booth. (Anyone else think that Booth looks like he's going to cry at any moment?)
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| 36 | TaRhEElKiD
ID: 42109719
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 10:46
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I knew who Alcindor was!! I have is autograph!
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| 37 | culdeus
Donor
ID: 51014269
Fri, Dec 14, 2001, 10:49
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Nominations will be open until 9 am central tomorrow. We'll vote from 9 to 5, so we can have a new Art Jr. for the crucial weekend time. Unless, of course, I change my mind and exercise my powers as Art Jr. to extend either or both of these periods.
Voter here or another thread will be started? Some confusion...
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