Forum: base
Page 10761
Subject: OT: Pooper Problems

  Posted by: smallwhirled - [17152614] Tue, Jul 24, 21:54
Knee surgery on Friday morning......on painkiller bottle number two, but here's the problem:

No rotation with the bowels yet!

The nurse comes in my house (ho-hum) "Your bowels seem to be moving when I feel your chest." I'm like cool, finally I'll get something done!

5 hrs. after 60 ml. of milk of magnesia and.......nothing!

It's Tuesday night here!
She said that I may have to get checked up if there's no pooper soon.

Can I have some pooper encouragement.....please!
 
1Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Tue, Jul 24, 21:55 		Who does #2 work for?!?!
 
2MuffinTeam
      ID: 476512210
      Tue, Jul 24, 21:59 		eat some spoiled food
 
3smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:00 		It obviously works for fat bastard!
 
4Y2JS
      ID: 48312723
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:00 		Man you havent dropped the duece in 5 days!? Wow i wouldnt wanna be that toilet next time your due
 
5smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:04 		seriously Y2JS,

I mean my appetite has gone down, but this is ridiculous! I'm gonna lay a hefty load when it's time. It's just telling me nothing (the tummy). I need some more frickin' laxatives, I guess.
 
6Pistol Pete
      ID: 43638267
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:04 		Suppositories...
 
7Y2JS
      ID: 48312723
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:07 		LOL!!! Im sorry man, i feel your pain
 
8F Gump
      ID: 11625176
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:09 		After reading this, all I can say is "these boards have really gone to s#!\% tonight, haven't they?" ;-)
 
9slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:11 		ROFLMAO!!!
 
10smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:12 		I know....

harness your s#!\% powers, so I can get it done.
 
11James K Polk
      ID: 4455731
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:12 		Well, I gave this thread a rating I thought was profoundly appropriate, but then someone came in with a "5" to screw things up! :)
 
12smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:17 		rate as you please.....it doesn't bother me!

But I do need a flock of birds to fly my way and show me how to send th s#!\%.....Almost like the running water gets you going to let it flow, if you're having trouble.
 
13Martha Stewart
      ID: 66182422
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:18 		You aren't by any chance taking codeine, are you?
This may help.
:-)
 
14Y2JS
      ID: 48312723
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:18 		LOL! Im sorry Jim, im the one who dropped that number, whoops not dropped, gave yes gave this a 5
 
15James K Polk
      ID: 4455731
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:19 		No problem Y2JS, we've got this averaged back to where it belongs -- at No. 2 :)

Hope that's good karma for you, smallwhirled.
 
16Strike One
      ID: 356372421
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:24 		smallwhirled, if you feel a fart coming, push really, really, really hard and try to make it one of those loud vibrating ones. But make sure you're over a toilet cause some stuff is bound to come out. My friend found out the hard way at Big Boy last night.
 
17puckprophet
      ID: 1810352017
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:25 		taco bell ; and lots of it!
 
186-9 With The Afro
      ID: 6521143
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:26 		Do you have a shop vac?
 
19slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:27 		this thread is funny as hell, not that i like to hear this is happening to you (or anyone) but this is cracking me the hell up!
 
20Big Hath
      ID: 362561719
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:34 		Drink some castor oil. That should clean you out.
 
21balls
      Donor
      ID: 84342112
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:41 		roto rooter?
 
22winmiller
      Sustainer
      ID: 107452613
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:44 		Another day and you are going to need a Lamaze coach to get that out of there. "Breathe, breathe, breathe ... OK push, smallwhirled, PUSH!"

Seriously, I spent the weekend in the hospital ten days ago with a severely infected cat bite on my foot. After high-tech IV antibiotics followed by a course of more antibiotic pills the size of almonds, I have had the exact opposite problem for the last nine days. Too bad we can't meet each other half way (figuratively of course.)

Anyhow, I'm sure that everything will come out right in the end. ;-)
 
23BoSoxfan9
      ID: 33518295
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:44 		Wish I could help but I'm 30-years-old and has never missed a dump. I'm like clockwork, Big Ben kind of!
 
24Y2JS
      ID: 48312723
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:46 		Oh my god, LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! at everything in this thread. The 5 i gave this thread is well deserved and im not ashamed to be saying it nor do i regret giving it that number
 
25Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:48 		OK, now we're starting to learn just a little too much about each other. That makes 3 "too much info" posts in the same thread.
 
26James K Polk
      ID: 4455731
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:51 		Personally, I'm not sure I'll be able to eat in a Big Boy anytime soon.
 
27slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Tue, Jul 24, 22:58 		that makes 2 of us, jkp :)

 
28Gary
      ID: 765918
      Tue, Jul 24, 23:21 		LOL, have you tried prunes or drank any prune juice?
 
29slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Tue, Jul 24, 23:21 		smallwhirled, you will have to be sure to let us know when (and if) it comes (and how many times you had to flush, etc ;)
 
30Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Tue, Jul 24, 23:26 		Try some corn, that always seems to work.
 
31burner
      ID: 8050111
      Wed, Jul 25, 01:17 		bananas or mac and cheese...works every time
 
32Kings Fan
      ID: 2532631
      Wed, Jul 25, 01:22 		Does the name, "Pujols" come to mind?

Or, maybe we can try the always dependable, "Smallwhirled's a&& has a no-hitter thru 5"? That usually jinxes everything...
 
33puckprophet
      ID: 1810352017
      Wed, Jul 25, 01:27 		how 'bout SW being down all morning?? that'll get ya going!
 
34F Gump
      ID: 11625176
      Wed, Jul 25, 01:37 		currently there is a different thread called "rollins-hold or dump" ...is that a thread on a similar topic? ;-)
 
35Rogue's Strikers
      ID: 24540291
      Wed, Jul 25, 02:03 		LMAO!
 
36Twarpy
      Leader
      ID: 115471115
      Wed, Jul 25, 02:08 		Winmiller your wife has oral surgery, and you then your cat bites you?
 
37saber34
      ID: 41338116
      Wed, Jul 25, 06:27 		kings fan - thats a no-$hitter...... just thought I'd throw out spelling errors...

I wish for one day in my life I could have that problem. I'm in the extreme opposite boat.. But none of you wanted to hear that..
 
38Cleveland Fan
      Donor
      ID: 294172211
      Wed, Jul 25, 07:46 		Half oatmeal, half millers bran with a teaspoon of flaxseed oil. Every morning and you will never miss a day.
 
39Perm Dude
      Leader
      ID: 351562522
      Wed, Jul 25, 08:39 		Don't suppose you have a White Castle's nearby?

Ender, your post #2 had me ROFL. Very very funny. As is this whole thread.

 
40KrazyKoalaBears
      ID: 51521713
      Wed, Jul 25, 08:52 		Along the lines of PD's suggestion, a dozen Krystal burgers seems to work everytime!
 
41smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:06 		a no #hitter through six now!

 
42Promize
      ID: 3368214
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:12 		If your lieing in bed all day, this will happen Small...

I suppose you are, since you just had surgery...

When I was in the hospital for a blood clot in my upper leg, I had to lie still in bed for 16 days, and the doctors and nurses kept asking if my bowels were ok... So I asked why, and they said when you lie in bed without much movement they get stopped up or something like that...

I agree with your nurse, you should contact your doctor... don't think it's something you want to mess around with.
 
436-9 With The Afro
      ID: 5743548
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:14 		All you need is a case of Old Milwaukee and a tub of Pinto's cheese from Taco Bell.
 
446-9 With The Afro
      ID: 5743548
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:15 		Doh, that Pintos 'n cheese. Either way it'll look the same as going in as it does coming out!
 
45smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:23 		there's a fart.
 
46Strike One
      ID: 356372421
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:30 		push! push! push!
 
47smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:36 		60 more ml. of milk of magnesia chased with a glass of tropical strawberry twister!
 
48Mattinglyinthehall
      ID: 1832399
      Wed, Jul 25, 09:37 		Man, when it finally does come, I hope for the sake of your household that you are the only one at home.
 
49KeitHernandezNdahall
      ID: 1810352017
      Wed, Jul 25, 10:03 		schlitz!
 
50ChicagoTRS
      Sustainer
      ID: 4324316
      Wed, Jul 25, 10:05 		Should we start a pool to guess when it will happen? smallwhirled bingo... =)
 
52smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 10:07 		Fine by me - I'll let you know when it all goes down.....
 
53Kings fan
      ID: 416222417
      Wed, Jul 25, 10:08 		LMAO!!!!!
 
54Mattinglyinthehall
      ID: 1832399
      Wed, Jul 25, 10:09 		Based on post 47, I'd take noon eastern. I say he poops right through the roster freeze.
 
55Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Wed, Jul 25, 11:52 		I'll put my money on 2:22 EST.
 
56Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Wed, Jul 25, 11:53 		I'll put a second bet on 10:22 PM in case he's a military man.
 
57Matt S
      ID: 227401621
      Wed, Jul 25, 12:01 		I'll take 9:47AM ET Thursday morning!
 
58DMAN
      ID: 5042211
      Wed, Jul 25, 12:10 		I'll take 7:27AM, August 1.
 
59ChicagoTRS
      Sustainer
      ID: 4324316
      Wed, Jul 25, 12:18 		September 3rd 10:30am...come on smallwhirled I know you can make it to labor day!
 
60absolut_cdi
      ID: 2342242
      Wed, Jul 25, 12:56 		guess i won't be seeing smallwhirled on any live "german" video sites today =)
 
61KrazyKoalaBears
      ID: 51521713
      Wed, Jul 25, 13:14 		Fri, 08/27, 1:30pm

It's going to be whatever he has for lunch that day. And it's going to hurt! ;)

 
62The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Wed, Jul 25, 13:20 		KeitHernandezNdahall; you are my idle. This kid needs a case of the Labats splats.. I personally dont have any crapper problems. I started a forum of sorts called the "DailyDumpTabulator" to track how many dumps I take each day (usually between 3-4 before noon) I think Guru should create a forum for this. Right next to basketball and politics.
 
64slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Wed, Jul 25, 13:27 		lol, mentors! damn, 3-4 times before noon!?!? i thought i was bad (2-3 times a day:)

i'm sure everyone is loving all this inside info we are giving about each other :)

this thread is cracking me up
 
65Mattinglyinthehall
      ID: 1832399
      Wed, Jul 25, 13:28 		How exactly should one take being called The_Mentors' "idle"?
 
66blankenshoot
      ID: 515202115
      Wed, Jul 25, 13:43 		you could be in serious trouble. somebody get blue hen over there right away!
 
67smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:35 		The no $hitter has ended at 6!

A re-enactment of the s#!\% scene in Dumb and Dumber occurred at approx. 3:55 PM EST. Man it was huge!

"You better not go in there for about 35-45 minutes."

I slipped another 30 ml. of milk of magnesia in there at about 1:30.

The lunch menu:
1 boar's head roast beef sub from Publix.

I'm hoping that I'll be "regular" again! I wanna get back to the 2 dump-a-day cycle again.
 
68Janitor
      ID: 416331215
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:45 		Congratulations on making me lose me appetite.
 
69Mattinglyinthehall
      ID: 1832399
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:50 		I believe a poop time of 3:55est makes Ender's call of 2:22est the closest. Congratulations Ender!
 
70The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:51 		DailyDumptabulator:
One
 
71smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:56 		LMAO thanks to Mentors and Mattinglyinthehall! What should the prize be for Ender?
 
72The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Wed, Jul 25, 15:57 		Roll of toilet paper?
 
73Baldwin
      ID: 4261155
      Wed, Jul 25, 16:31 		So like when TSN makes you change yer name I suggest Large-Whirled given these latest developements.

I notice the OT thread police have been strangely silent. They must be flumoxed speechless!
 
74The_Beast
      ID: 21632220
      Wed, Jul 25, 16:37 		Four words for you: Home-of-the-sliders! WhiteCastle.com
 
75DMAN
      ID: 5042211
      Wed, Jul 25, 16:43 		Way to go $hit Brick!!
 
76slimer
      ID: 9150216
      Wed, Jul 25, 17:01 		one of the funniest threads i've ever read
 
77Strike One
      ID: 356372421
      Wed, Jul 25, 18:09 		milk is now way to break up a no $hitter, that's almost as bad as Ben Davis bunting.
 
78Cleveland Fan
      Donor
      ID: 384131723
      Wed, Jul 25, 18:29 		I bet you didn't know so many people cared about your issue.
 
79RecycledSpinalFluid
      ID: 39446311
      Wed, Jul 25, 18:32 		Ender's prize should be a lifetime supply of "Baby Ruth" candy bars.
 
80SuperMex13
      ID: 446362518
      Wed, Jul 25, 18:56 		Next time this happens; try smoking a cigarette and a shot of Jim Beam.

"It's like Novacaine, give it time; it always works"

-Coach Boone
Remember The Titans
 
816-9 With The Afro
      ID: 6521143
      Wed, Jul 25, 20:36 		#77 - yeah, that's so tush-league!



Awwwwww...ok that joke sucked!
 
82curly
      ID: 8641912
      Wed, Jul 25, 21:07 		good grief,seems to be alot of fecesious posts lately.
 
83butt
      ID: 256422522
      Wed, Jul 25, 22:42 		Christmas in July for smallwhirled!

 
84Mr.Freedom
      ID: 412582722
      Wed, Jul 25, 22:57 		I just remembered why I love reading the message boards!!!!

ROTFLMAO
 
85Mr Hankey
      ID: 1810352017
      Thu, Jul 26, 02:00 		Hiiiiiiiiiiiideeeeehhoooooo Everybody!
 
86smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Thu, Jul 26, 06:56 		The_Mentors:

DailyDumptabulator (7/26):
One
 
87Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Thu, Jul 26, 08:55 		I was so afraid of what the prize would be when I heard the long awaited event had come to pass (pun intended), that I didn't bother to post and claim victory ;) I'll settle for RSF's suggestion.
 
88saber34
      ID: 575122510
      Thu, Jul 26, 09:07 		anyone here of that website that'll put a picture on t.p for you! I heard it ont he radio once I think..... We should try to get this thread plasterd on some T.p for him so he can wipe with it later!
 
89James K Polk
      ID: 37651820
      Fri, Jul 27, 01:16 		Can't believe I'm the first one to do this in this thread ....... :)

BUTT
 
90puckprophet
      ID: 1810352017
      Fri, Jul 27, 01:23 		re-butt
 
91The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Fri, Jul 27, 09:34 		smallwhirled:

DailyDumptabulator (7/26):
3. All before 10. Thursday night drinks = Labbats splats. I think i'm good for another before noon.


 
92slimer
      ID: 9150216
      Fri, Jul 27, 10:05 		lol, mentors
 
93Baldwin
      ID: 4261155
      Fri, Jul 27, 12:41 		Societal decay

First it starts with Ren and Stimpy questing for the lost Butt Stinky and now countless gurupies follow every move of the dumptabulator

Where will it all end?
 
94butt
      ID: 6632713
      Fri, Jul 27, 13:03 		Uranus, of course.
 
95Mattinglyinthehall
      ID: 1832399
      Wed, Aug 01, 10:01 		BUTT
[bad pun intended]
 
96The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Wed, Aug 01, 10:05 		Taking a dump really takes care of hangovers. IMHO.
Just ask Matinglyinthehall.
 
976-9 With The Afro
      ID: 5743548
      Wed, Aug 01, 10:09 		This thread is like a bad turd: it just keeps rising back up to the top of the bowl!
 
98smallwhirled
      ID: 17152614
      Wed, Aug 01, 15:36 		I'm up two two thus far today......man its been a while since I've been hungover though!
 
99BoSoxfan9
      ID: 33518295
      Wed, Aug 01, 21:20 		One question----was it a double header? Get it --- double header!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
100BillB
      Sustainer
      ID: 493403019
      Wed, Aug 01, 21:46 		Can't this be eligible for Guru's Forum Keepers? I'm tired of seeing the last one being 3/9...of 2000!...if for nothing else but to change that date (move the chains?!) Anyone agree?!
 
101The_Mentors
      ID: 9432248
      Fri, Aug 03, 15:16 		The following is a series of emails I recieved from a Gurupie (not to be named) during the day. Thought I would share it with you all:


9:45am
"I gotta take my second dump. oooh man it's gonna be a doozy."
9:50am
"I almost just sh&t my pants with a hairy fart. Wait, let me go check.........."
9:51am
"No sh@t in my pants Phew! I did have to go for a wipe though."
10:01am
"That dump sucked. I am good for another one no doubt. Whatcha doing this weekend?"
11:15am
"Oh man, I think I really sh@t myself this time. Squishing around in my seat and the undies aint sucking up all the fart juice. AKA crap. I better
run to the bowl. Thank GOD I anit got White undies on!"
11:34am (I actually cried while reading this one)
"oooooh boy, definitely had some grey poupon in the drawers. Ch$@$t man have you ever looked at your a$$ in a mirror. Last I remember doing that I almost fainted. I have seen my share of scary movies but get Wes on the phone because I got a monster that can scare the beggebas outa anybody. Sh@t man, I could take 16 showers and two bathes and shove a new bar of soap up my a$$ and I
still wouldnt go near it. Just imagine how many times I have farted in the past 24 hr. I am not even going to mention the craps either....."



 
102JD
      ID: 24540258
      Fri, Aug 03, 15:26 		That was some funny s$it.
 
103slimer
      ID: 2644430
      Fri, Aug 03, 23:47 		OMG, Mentors...who sent those to you? that is some funny ass schitt!!
 
104BoSoxFan9
      ID: 33518295
      Sat, Aug 04, 17:29 		I CAN'T BELIEVE THOSE TWO GOT BACK TOGETHER AFTER ALL OF THAT CRAP.
Who?
MY BUTT CHECKS!
 
105smallwhirled
      ID: 157582113
      Fri, Aug 31, 16:16 		man there's so much ass on Tallahassee!
 
106Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Tue, Apr 02, 2002, 18:22 		Allhair's typo demand that this thread receive a BUTT.

And if ever a thread deserved one, this is it :)
 
107James K Polk
      ID: 4455731
      Tue, Apr 02, 2002, 18:24 		This, my friends, may be one of the finest OT threads ever. If Guru ever adds an OT thread to the "Forum Keepers," this one gets my vote.
 
108Senior allhair
      ID: 52112514
      Tue, Apr 02, 2002, 18:26 		Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...
 
109Ender
      ID: 13443221
      Tue, Apr 02, 2002, 18:27 		I'm still waiting on my supply of Baby Ruth's...
 
110smallwhirled
      Donor
      ID: 29232811
      Thu, Apr 04, 2002, 19:38 		I'll BUTT it once.
 
111Love Shack Baby
      ID: 238502821
      Sat, Sep 28, 2002, 23:49 		twice
 
112J
      Leader
      ID: 49346417
      Thu, May 22, 2003, 23:59 		how can we not BUTT this a third time? :)

hope everything comes out ok this time :)