Here's how to play:

• Set yourself up with a minimum of six beers for the three-hour game. If the Ravens are playing (and they are just about every other week), grab eight.
• Take the assigned number of swigs — about the equivalent of one ounce, or 12 swigs per bottle/can. Do NOT drink when Paul Maguire is speaking. You might spit it up.
• If any of the "chug" criteria is met, you must finish your beer, even if you have to take a leak really badly.

DRINK WHEN MIKE PATRICK...
1 - Raves over the offensive line on a three-yard run
1 - Says a player is one of the best in the NFL when you can name 10 others at his position who are better
1 - Says "What a day in the NFL!"
1 - Says "Are you kidding me?!"
1 - Calls a player one of the most underrated in the league
2 - Makes you lower the volume
2 - Says "Let's go down to Suzy Kolber. Suzy."
Chug - Breaks your ear drum

DRINK WHEN PAUL MAGUIRE...
1 - Prefaces any analysis with "I'm a tell ya what."
1 - Says "I'm gonna tell ya something" right before actually telling you something
1 - Says the word "watch" more than twice on any instant replay, as if you were doing anything but watching
1 - Says something you didn't already know
1 - Admits to being scared of Ray Lewis
1 - Says he talked to a player/coach earlier in the week
2 - Calls Theismann "Joseph"
Chug - Calls Theismann "an idiot"

DRINK WHEN JOE THEISMANN...
1 - Utters the phrase "like a Bill Parcells."
1 - Mentions his own playing career
1 - Points out a flaw in a quarterback's mechanics, whether or not the replay backs it up
1 - Says "What impresses me most about..."
1 - Mentions Notre Dame in any capacity
1 - Says he talked to a player/coach earlier in the week
1 - Says "If I'm the [insert team here]..."
2 - Offers a team advice "if they wanna win this game," as if they're on the fence about whether or not they want to win
2 - Refers to his punting career (one punt for one yard in 1985)
2 - Predicts a penalty that goes the other way
Chug - Refers, again, to any historical genius as "Norman Einstein."

DRINK WHEN...
1 - Ray Lewis is mic'ed up
1 - Ray Lewis is mentioned when the Ravens aren't playing
1 - A special-teams coach is said to have done "a great job"
2 - One of the three announcers accuses another of avoiding dinner checks
Chug - A drunken Hall of Fame quarterback hits on a marginally attractive sideline reporter
Chug - The Ravens are playing and anyone but Ray Lewis is mic'ed up
Chug - Any of the SFL crew mentions Ray Lewis' criminal record