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| Posted by: TB
- Leader [031811922] Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 22:17
My Dad sent this to me at work and it cracks me up everytime I watch it. Extra Wheel Video
I almost posted this in the Politics Forum for Nerve (need flash): Brave New World
Here is one that I am sure your boss would love you to waste several work hours on: Yeti Baseball 311 seems to be about the best I could do.
HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS?
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF
entered into the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred
and Wilma Flintstone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John
Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A. Obsession
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until
you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?
A. Father's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "good night, sleep tight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month ..
which we know today as the honeymoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
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| | | 1 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 22:23
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Okay, the extra wheel video I tried to post was sent to me as an mpeg file so I googled for it and tried to post what I thought was the direct link. It is the second one down (funny_video/antena1wheel1.mpeg)
Let me see if this link works: Video Clip
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| | | 2 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 22:29
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Link works. I thought it was ok. ;)
I thought about trying to lick my elbow.....but didn't.
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| | | 3 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 23:00
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The only reason I posted the jokes on there too was because I did try to lick my elbow. ;)
There are some funny jokes and videos at the first link I put on there by mistake. The Cat Video is pretty funny. So is the fishing video.
This Dog Act Video is pretty cool too. Smart dog.
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| | | 4 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 23:04
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OMG- For all the Non-Cat Lovers
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| | | 5 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jan 27, 2005, 23:14
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A blast from the past: John West Salmon Video. I haven't seen this video in years but it still cracks me up.
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| | | 6 | kev
ID: 3155515
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 00:58
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319.8 on Yeti baseball...on my 6th swing....
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| | | 7 | MNG
ID: 330251015
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 01:21
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www.donwest.org Did anyone see this guy when he did the Sports Collectibles show? A riot! Check out some of the videos and be sure to download suicide.mp3 and nixon.mp3.. hilarious!
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| | | 8 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 02:04
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Kev, you made me go back and try some more. I did raise my best to 315.2 but am going to have to get some extra batting practice in at work tomorrow.
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| | | 9 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 07:20
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TB, that non-cat lover video rocks!!!!!! It's freakin' insane!
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| | | 10 | leggestand
Leader
ID: 451036518
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 11:46
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323.4 on Yeti baseball...took me a good 10 minutes of constant playing to get it.
I used to have another Yeti game, where you swung at penguins coming out of water to try and get points shooting at a bullseye...can't seem to find it, though.
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| | | 11 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Fri, Jan 28, 2005, 22:49
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ooooh, got up to 322.9. Dang you legge!
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| | | 12 | Slackjawed Yokel
Leader
ID: 052347519
Sat, Jan 29, 2005, 01:36
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I was sent a link to this last week; I guess it's been out there a while but it is hilarious: reptile attack
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| | | 13 | kev
ID: 3155515
Sat, Jan 29, 2005, 02:28
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322.9 for me too...took about 5 minutes of trying.
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| | | 14 | sarge33rd
ID: 440332322
Sat, Jan 29, 2005, 23:41
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320.3 so far. one of the guys at work got 323.4
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| | | 15 | TB
ID: 5809511
Mon, Jan 31, 2005, 11:13
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One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the heck???" He said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
She shot back, "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."
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| | | 16 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Jan 31, 2005, 21:17
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323.5, I took a screen shot and pasted it to word. I was going to put it on a web site and post a link, but am not sure how to do that with a word doc.
I did try it a different way this time by right-clicking and zooming in.
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| | | 17 | leggestand
Leader
ID: 451036518
Tue, Feb 01, 2005, 09:43
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Dang it TB...now I have to play some more.
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| | | 18 | barilko6
ID: 421150249
Tue, Feb 01, 2005, 17:27
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Me being the classic underacheiver, my lowest score with contact in Yeti Baseball: 65.6
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| | | 19 | barilko6
ID: 421150249
Tue, Feb 01, 2005, 17:33
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haha...that reptile clip is hilarious.
Hey, has anyone see the comedy skit interview with "Saddam's Followers"?
Not sure if its kosher to put it on here, but email me and I will send it out...I cried I laughed so hard. Funniest thing I have ever seen...
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| | | 20 | youngroman
ID: 298482214
Tue, Feb 01, 2005, 18:22
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here are all the yeti-games: Yeti Sports 1-7
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| | | 21 | TB
ID: 5809511
Tue, Feb 01, 2005, 18:33
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Thanks for sending the video so fast, barilko6. Very funny. You should post a link to it. It is solid humor.
65.6 is impressive. I have not been able to get under 72, yet. I did hit 200 exactly a couple times. For some reason that was fun to try and do.
How Not To Tow A Boat
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| | | 24 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Wed, Feb 02, 2005, 22:23
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Guess Her Bra Size
This is rated PG, no nudity. Some colorful comments made as each pic comes up and a little cussing. Cracked me up. Also went to zipperfish. Several fun games at that site.
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| | | 25 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Fri, Feb 04, 2005, 12:23
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culdeus, love that one in post 23. My friend sent it to me today and I came here to see if anyone had linked it. Great stuff.
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| | | 28 | TB
ID: 5809511
Tue, Feb 08, 2005, 09:34
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Site with a lot of videos
My buddy at work was telling me about a video that had him cracking up. I did a google search and found a copy of it at the site above. You have to scroll down a bit or use the edit/find function on your browser. Type in Donkey and click find. The name of the video is acc - donkey chase.mpg
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| | | 29 | barilko6
ID: 421150249
Tue, Feb 08, 2005, 10:41
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just goofing around on that site TB...there are some pretty messed up videos on there...lol
Check out the acc-ping pong about halfway down...
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| | | 30 | TB
ID: 5809511
Wed, Feb 09, 2005, 10:50
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I couldn't tell if that was real or not. I played it in slow motion a couple times. Shocking video, regardless. The train one right underneath it is just as shocking.
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| | | 31 | barilko6
ID: 421150249
Wed, Feb 09, 2005, 11:15
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I know...
Some of them I watch and think, Holy Crap, that has to be fake. Some are obviously fake (Anniversary Fart), but some are just way too funny...
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| | | 32 | Slackjawed Yokel
Leader
ID: 052347519
Wed, Feb 09, 2005, 18:41
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My wife recognized the ping pong guy as Brad Pitt in the beginning of Meet Joe Black (while he was meeting Joe Black as it were...)
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| | | 34 | barilko6
ID: 421150249
Thu, Feb 10, 2005, 10:55
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Mental Note...
Always preview clips first. Never just click on random links while having coffee with the office administrator.
Hard to keep eye on ball while desparately trying to distract office administrator.
End of Mental Note.
Back to regular programming.
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| | | 35 | TB
ID: 5809511
Thu, Feb 10, 2005, 14:07
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LOL
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| | | 36 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Thu, Feb 10, 2005, 14:43
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Like anybody can pass that test........sheesh!
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| | | 37 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Fri, Feb 11, 2005, 22:24
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Mind Reader
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| | | 38 | Skidazl
Leader
ID: 379312323
Sun, Feb 13, 2005, 17:53
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That mind reader is pretty cool, took a few tries to figure it out...
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| | | 39 | Slackjawed Yokel
Leader
ID: 052347519
Sun, Feb 13, 2005, 18:56
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Computer programmer or serial killer - you make the call
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| | | 40 | wiggs
Donor
ID: 04991311
Sun, Feb 13, 2005, 19:15
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that mind reader thing is scary. How does it do that?
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| | | 41 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sun, Feb 13, 2005, 19:20
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No matter what 2 digit number you pick, once you complete the math you are going to end up with 9, 18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63, 72, or 81. The symbols are the same on each.
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| | | 42 | wiggs
ID: 540421611
Sun, Feb 13, 2005, 19:40
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i see it now. I didnt realize that the symbols changed each time. Thanks TB
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| | | 43 | sarge33rd
ID: 44191111
Mon, Feb 14, 2005, 16:35
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re post 33...
what ball?
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| | | 44 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Feb 21, 2005, 00:48
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Fire Rescue
This one is way funny.
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| | | 46 | Skidazl
Leader
ID: 379312323
Mon, Feb 21, 2005, 18:47
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TB, #44 hilarious, sick but hilarious...
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| | | 47 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Feb 28, 2005, 23:01
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America F*** Yeah!
This one is over the top. Not for kids or bosses. Might take a minute for the page to load.
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| | | 48 | TB
ID: 5809511
Tue, Mar 01, 2005, 10:12
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Save The Antelope
I recommend downloading this one to watch it or clicking on pause when it starts to load and give it a minute to load. A coworker emailed this to me and it cracked me up.
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| | | 49 | barilko6
ID: 32254209
Wed, Mar 23, 2005, 12:56
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TB...you are slacking, no posts for over 3 weeks? How the heck am I supposed to laugh and be popular at work for the funny things I show them?
They might start asking me to bring in donuts now...
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| | | 50 | TB
ID: 362192219
Wed, Mar 23, 2005, 23:31
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LOL- Baseball draft and on the road for the job. I saved some links at home and will look to see if any of them have some funny stuff worth posting. We need more people to post their funny stuff in here.
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| | | 52 | wolfer
Sustainer
ID: 18639422
Sun, Mar 27, 2005, 07:43
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Had to add this one for today. It is good for any group you want to put in:
Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?
The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.
He turns to the second blond, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?". The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven.
He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St Peter in the eyes. "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third blonde continued... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
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| | | 53 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Mar 28, 2005, 01:57
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FROM A PROFESSOR'S JOURNAL
THE ASSIGNMENT:
As a way of developing cultural sensitivity, you and a writing
partner of the opposite sex will work together. One of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send a copy to me. The partner will read the paragraph, add
a second paragraph, and send it back, also sending a copy to me. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. The
story is finished when you both agree that a conclusion has been reached.
THE STORY
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who had once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt that now, at all costs, she
must keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up. Alas,
chamomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "Polar orbit
established," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "No sign of
resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his cargo bay. The jolt
sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
Passes Law Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurried
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of wonder at all the beauty around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.
Little did she know it, but she had less than ten seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership had
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
peaceniks who had pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empire. The Cabinet, meeting in their top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off Guam, felt an inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other
Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We
can't allow this! To hell with that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
And you're a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of f---ing tea?"
A$$hole.
B.itch.
F--k you, you Neanderthal!
Go drink some tea, whore!
THE GRADE:
A+ (I really liked this one)
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| | | 54 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Mar 28, 2005, 02:07
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Kill the bunnies
Feel free to skip the intro, but read the instructions.
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| | | 56 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, Mar 28, 2005, 02:58
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Navigate the ball
If your mouse is really sensitive this is kinda tough, but there is no time limit. Let me know if you get past level three. =)
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| | | 57 | j o s h
ID: 512532811
Mon, Mar 28, 2005, 17:50
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this cracked me up.
go sox!
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| | | 58 | JTSERB
ID: 40135411
Mon, Mar 28, 2005, 17:56
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LOL good one TB.. couldnt even get to level 3 =)
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| | | 59 | barilko6
ID: 482372515
Tue, Mar 29, 2005, 13:38
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I honestly think this is the funniest story I have ever read...they claim its true, but I don't know...
Funny Story
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| | | 60 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Wed, Mar 30, 2005, 09:39
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LMAO! Excellent. And that wimp.com is loaded TB! I couldn't get past the one with Jennifer Love Hewitt's purple underwear. I'll have to try again later. ;)
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| | | 61 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Wed, Mar 30, 2005, 23:43
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I didn't even notice that one before. Too many links to check out. I checked all the games and most were lame.
This is probably old and I am a right-leaning, Bush-supporting Republican, but it is pretty funny and I never saw it before:
Pimping Bush with a little help from 50 Cent
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| | | 62 | JTSERB
ID: 40135411
Thu, Mar 31, 2005, 00:03
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Man I just cant stop watching this one I LOL every time.
link
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| | | 63 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Thu, Mar 31, 2005, 00:11
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You're laughing at that one? Dude, that's sick!
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| | | 64 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Mar 31, 2005, 00:31
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I can't help it, that one made me laugh too. I am still laughing. I hope the dude is okay, but I am thinking that someone who is gravity-challenged shouldn't experiment on how high they can jump up and down on a wet diving board.
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| | | 66 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Mar 31, 2005, 00:38
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LMAO. Too funny. Kinda reminds me of Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly.
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| | | 67 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Thu, Mar 31, 2005, 00:41
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Ha! I Hear ya....love the screen.
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| | | 68 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sat, Apr 02, 2005, 22:47
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Zebra Suit
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| | | 70 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sun, Apr 03, 2005, 00:48
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DND Freak
I live in a world of cold steel!
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| | | 73 | Skidazl
Leader
ID: 379312323
Sat, Apr 23, 2005, 16:18
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This one is nuts...
balance
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| | | 74 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Tue, Apr 26, 2005, 21:27
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Aged Americans
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios
in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock
on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_______________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_______________________________________
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or
two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
_______________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant? " Bessie thinks a minute and says,
"Close enough."
_______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time ....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared
at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just
one car. It's hundreds of them!"
______________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she
was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to
the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred
turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
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| | | 75 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Thu, Apr 28, 2005, 00:48
|
Those are some clean, funny jokes.
I am surprised this dude stayed on his feet.
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| | | 77 | sarge33rd
ID: 493271611
Sat, Apr 30, 2005, 10:07
|
re 71...not all no. most who were, didnt make it OUT of their teens. ;)
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| | | 78 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sat, Apr 30, 2005, 13:18
|
http://www.wimp.com/deadlyfire/
I watched this one last night and was thinking about that same video. The kid in this video is going to have some damage for the rest of his life. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
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| | |
| | | 80 | sarge33rd
ID: 2610442916
Sat, Apr 30, 2005, 20:42
|
re 78....Jeff Foxworthy needs to find that dumbass, walkup and say, "Here's your sign."
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| | | 81 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Sun, May 01, 2005, 09:13
|
78----scary that people are so stupid.
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| | | 82 | sarge33rd
ID: 2610442916
Sun, May 01, 2005, 11:53
|
whats even worse (scarier) Mike, is that this guy will probably reproduce. *shudder*
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| | | 83 | Great One
ID: 46361920
Sun, May 01, 2005, 11:56
|
You guys are gonna LOVE this one!!! turn your audio off if at work...
The game will bring back some memories and is pretty funny itself. but ALSO look at all the links along the bottom. "gnome sneezing" (need audio) and "contact an elk" haha...
Frusion Breakfast Brawl
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| | | 84 | barilko6
ID: 551022715
Sun, May 01, 2005, 12:42
|
haha...I love the breakfast brawl...Having a tought time with the Egg McMuffin though...
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| | | 85 | Great One
ID: 46361920
Sun, May 01, 2005, 13:43
|
yeah I can't get by him either.
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| | | 86 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sun, May 01, 2005, 16:21
|
I finally got past the Egg McMuffin, but the Bagel is knocking me out.
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|
| | | 87 | barilko6
ID: 393321210
Sun, May 01, 2005, 18:19
|
Funny:
Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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| | | 88 | Great One
ID: 46361920
Sun, May 01, 2005, 18:19
|
best of all, this game works at work! :)
Dr.Pepper has some good games too which also are good to play at work - on your lunch break of course, not when you are ignoring calls of course!
Dr.Pepper Football Games
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| | | 89 | sarge33rd
ID: 514141116
Fri, May 13, 2005, 17:42
|
free on-line graphic rpg, illumia
major throwback to the old days of the original nintendo, circa 1990 or thereabouts.
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| | | 90 | sarge33rd
ID: 514141116
Fri, May 13, 2005, 17:56
|
posted this on the politics forum, probably belongs here though. Any motorcyclists out there will appreciate this one;
The Dragon
best stretch of mtorcycle heaven known to man. Place called Deals Gap in NC. Something on the order of 300 turns in an 11.7 or so mile stretch of Hwy. (Need Quicktime to view. Includes nice soundtrack.)
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| | | 91 | Old Man Greene
ID: 2148148
Sun, May 15, 2005, 07:07
|
Numa Numa
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|
| | | 92 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Sun, May 15, 2005, 17:43
|
I have no idea why someone who appears to be sober would do that to themselves. ;)
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|
| | | 95 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Mon, May 16, 2005, 01:56
|
Man, I didn't know if this one belonged here or the politics forum.
THE BELLS
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. John kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of John's time, so John got a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which Rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all. John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. BUT, to John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair... and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly Butch was a politician: Who else could figure out how to win two of the most politically-biased awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them?
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|
| | | 96 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Wed, May 18, 2005, 23:50
|
Trojan Guard Game
U, J, O, L fires Left, Down, Up, and Right. You don't want to get hit, but you don't want to hit the guys firing at you. either. Just hit the bullets they shoot at you.
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| | | 97 | RecycledSpinalFluid
Dude
ID: 204401122
Wed, Jun 01, 2005, 12:07
|
Thought this was kind of funny: Store Wars
|
|
| | | 98 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Wed, Jun 01, 2005, 12:46
|
It's really well done. I'm not even going to ask how you found it though. ;)
|
|
| | | 99 | TB
Leader
ID: 031811922
Fri, Jun 03, 2005, 09:32
|
Red Neck Sports
I do not think there is a point to this game. Probably should just call it an amusement.
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| | |
| | | 102 | barilko6
ID: 551022715
Sat, Jun 04, 2005, 17:02
|
re 101...
That is just way too funny. Classic stuff.
|
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| | | 103 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Sun, Jun 05, 2005, 08:57
|
"I love your show"--LMAO!
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| | |
| | | 106 | TB
ID: 5809511
Mon, Jun 13, 2005, 13:13
|
http://digicc.com/fido/
After reading the screen, click on the boy in the lower right to advance to the next page. In the last window, type in your numbers in the white box using the keyboard. There isn't a curser.
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| | |
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| | |
| | | 110 | TB
ID: 5809511
Mon, Jun 20, 2005, 12:57
|
"JOURNEY"
A priest was preparing a dying man for his 'long day's journey into night'. Whispering firmly, the
priest says, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man says nothing.
The priest repeats his order again.
Still, the dying man says nothing.
The priest asks, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man replies, "Until I know exactly where I'm headed, I don't think it's such a good idea to aggravate anybody just yet."
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| | | 111 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Jun 22, 2005, 00:31
|
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, arm in a sling, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his neck.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when, at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows."
We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
"That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' "
"I don't remember much after that."
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|
| | | 112 | Perm Dude
ID: 165591315
Wed, Jun 22, 2005, 13:36
|
Little Daryl came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Daryl was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Daryl's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Daryl, of course, thought he did.
Daryl's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Daryl stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER #1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. and I want a red one.
Your friend, Daryl
Daryl knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER #2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Daryl. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Daryl
Daryl knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER #3:
Dear God:
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Daryl
Daryl knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he wrote another letter.
LETTER #4:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Daryl
Daryl knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Daryl was very upset. He went downstairs and told
his mother he wanted to go to church.
Daryl's mother thought her plan had worked because Daryl looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.
Daryl walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Daryl began to write his letter to God.
LETTER #5:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed, YOU KNOW WHO
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| | | 113 | RecycledSpinalFluid
Dude
ID: 204401122
Thu, Jun 23, 2005, 11:55
|
The Solar Death Ray.
Some of his descriptions of the targets are funny...atleast to me.
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|
| | | 114 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Sat, Jul 02, 2005, 00:52
|
That solar death ray site is a riot. I loved reading the descriptions.
KING SOLOMON
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging
between them a young man in a three- piece suit.
"This young CPA agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence.
"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew
the young accountant in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood.
Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The accountant must
marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE
mother-in-law."
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|
| | | 115 | barilko6
ID: 551022715
Tue, Jul 05, 2005, 18:02
|
Hey...not sure if anyone here can help. I was at a conference, and they had some funny pictures on powerpoint.
They were showing the differences of men and women's sexual drives. One showed a switchboard with just an on/off button (representing the men) and then another switchboard with tons of little switches and gauges and all. (of course for the women)
It was pretty hilarious.
Anyone know where I can get these?
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| | | 116 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Jul 08, 2005, 01:49
|
WHO'S FATHER?
A man standing in line at a checkout counter of a grocery store was very
surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face
was beaming. He gave her that "who are you?' look, and couldn't remember
ever having seen her before. Then, noticing his look, she figured she had
made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but
when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children."
Then, she walked out of the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world
coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers
her children!"
Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but,
MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in
college, perhaps he did father her child! He ran from the store and caught
her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in
college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool
table in front of everyone?"
"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second
grade teacher!"
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|
| | | 117 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jul 14, 2005, 00:42
|
A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband. "My testicles are turning blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
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| | | 118 | balls
ID: 448331614
Tue, Jul 19, 2005, 10:49
|
Kinda groovy
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| | |
| | | 120 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Sun, Jul 24, 2005, 23:38
|
NEWS FLASH
Chirac has officially raised the French terror alert from "Run" to "Hide". There are only two higher alert levels in France, which are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire at France's white flag factory - effectively crippling their military.
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| | | 121 | sarge33rd
ID: 45522117
Sun, Jul 24, 2005, 23:41
|
Reminds me of the phot-ad that ran the email circuit a cple years ago;
For Sale: Cheap. French Infantry Rifle. Never fired, only dropped twice.
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| | | 122 | Razor
ID: 36241218
Mon, Jul 25, 2005, 10:00
|
Normally I don't care for needless anti-Europe sentiment, but that was hysterical.
|
|
| | | 123 | Perm Dude
Dude
ID: 030792616
Mon, Aug 01, 2005, 14:42
|
Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop chatting over a pint of warm goat's milk.
The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now".
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21"
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".
"He's a martyr too " says mum quietly.
"Oh gracious me", says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18", she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school".
"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says......
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"..........
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| | | 124 | Razor
ID: 36241218
Mon, Aug 01, 2005, 16:04
|
Offensive jokes have to be funnier than that or else they are, well, just offensive. More Frenchy jokes.
|
|
| | | 125 | FRICK@Work
ID: 220211
Mon, Aug 01, 2005, 16:14
|
Barilko, I have seen the picture you were describing on the Bob and Tom website.
You might have to dig around to find, but they have it and some other humorous stuff.
Depending on your company, you may not want to click on the at work.
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| | | 126 | Perm Dude
Dude
ID: 030792616
Mon, Aug 01, 2005, 17:51
|
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| | | 127 | barilko6
ID: 336481112
Mon, Aug 08, 2005, 18:37
|
hey...
Does anyone know of a site that has those good ecard birthday card things???
|
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| | | 128 | Da Bomb
ID: 43359416
Mon, Aug 08, 2005, 19:51
|
bluemountain.com
|
|
| | | 129 | C.SuperFreak
ID: 40721313
Tue, Aug 09, 2005, 10:29
|
It's a Big Ad
Cheers!
|
|
| | | 130 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Tue, Aug 09, 2005, 11:08
|
Put this in the football forum, but should have put it here as well:
Help TO Earn More Money
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|
| | | 131 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Aug 10, 2005, 00:41
|
I got him 100 million on my 2nd try. He obviously needs a new agent because I only require a 1% commission.
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|
| | | 132 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Aug 12, 2005, 02:04
|
A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into
a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his
home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man
suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch
her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the
husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched
on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed
with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted,
"Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you
I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid
for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Bears Tickets. He
paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership,
and he even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"
The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
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| | | 133 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Fri, Aug 12, 2005, 17:00
|
Awesome TB!
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| | |
| | | 135 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 041831612
Fri, Aug 12, 2005, 17:07
|
I just checked out post 108. And I'm offended.
;)
|
|
| | | 136 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Aug 12, 2005, 21:26
|
LOL at 108.
I wonder how long that dude practiced to make all those quarters.
|
|
| | | 137 | TB
ID: 5809511
Fri, Aug 19, 2005, 15:43
|
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. There's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Texas
Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC.
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| | |
| | | 139 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 02:07
|
Dang, I overloaded my site loading too many files on it. I just deleted the Finding a Perfect Woman video until I can figure out where to post it. The other one probably won't work for an hour until yahoo says I am back under my limit.
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| | |
| | | 141 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 02:22
|
Automatic flatterer
Kinda silly, but also kinda funny if you drink some beers and type in fu**stick or dumbazz as your name in the initial script.
|
|
| | | 142 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 08:08
|
"Perfect Woman" is a great example of commercials we need to see in the US. Lol!
|
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| | | 143 | Mike D
Sustainer
ID: 41831612
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 08:09
|
And "Millionaire" isn't funny because it's so true. ;)
|
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| | |
| | | 145 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 19:44
|
ROFL- silly, silly, silly.
|
|
| | | 146 | Da Bomb
ID: 43359416
Thu, Sep 15, 2005, 21:13
|
There was a line in Eurotrip where somoene said the reason Europe is more sexual in their actions and society in general is because America was founded by prudes.
|
|
| | | 147 | Razor
ID: 128461621
Sat, Sep 17, 2005, 16:02
|
Somebody at Comedy Central should get fired for that airing of the Big Lebowski. The skipped whole scenes; ones that mattered. If I hadn't seen it five times already, I'd have been really confused. That was wretched.
|
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| | |
| | | 151 | Mike D
ID: 57891011
Fri, Sep 23, 2005, 07:57
|
149------absolutely hilarious.
|
|
| | | 152 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Sep 30, 2005, 03:20
|
WORDS OF SOCRATES
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such
high esteem.
* *
It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife.
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| | |
| | | 154 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Oct 12, 2005, 22:56
|
Rumble Ball
|
|
| | | 155 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Oct 12, 2005, 23:27
|
Millionaire Loser
This video is funny. I can't believe this guy didn't flip out or start cussing at the end so they couldn't air this on TV.
|
|
| | | 156 | barilko6
ID: 07381514
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 00:20
|
Hey...
There used to be a great skateboarding video somewhere on here, but I can't seem to find it. A bunch of kids taping away in a warehouse, playing basketball and stuff with skateboards.
Anyone know what I am talking about?
|
|
| | | 157 | Athletics Guy
ID: 179071
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 00:45
|
This?
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|
| | | 158 | TB
ID: 56834110
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 01:04
|
I think I know which one you are talking about, but can't find it.
Play some Fat Guy instead.
|
|
| | | 159 | TB
ID: 56834110
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 01:05
|
I should have refreshed before posting. That is the one I think he was talking about. I did a search at big boys and didnt find it.
|
|
| | | 160 | TB
ID: 56834110
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 01:14
|
Iraqi Love
Starring Habeeb, Abdul, and introducing DONKEY. Don't play this one at work
|
|
| | |
| | |
| | | 163 | TB
ID: 56834110
Thu, Oct 13, 2005, 02:10
|
Beer Boy
This is rolling out of your chair, have to watch it twice because you miss parts from laughing too much funny!
|
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| | |
| | | 165 | barilko6
ID: 22945412
Tue, Oct 25, 2005, 14:47
|
This is waaaaay too funny to watch at work. People are looking into my office wondering why I am crying...
The End of the World
|
|
| | | 166 | RecycledSpinalFluid
Dude
ID: 204401122
Tue, Oct 25, 2005, 15:10
|
I'm dieing on that first link in 162.
|
|
| | |
| | | 168 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 01:59
|
Coors Light Challenge
Read how to play, practice for a minute, and then play. If your average score is higher than 7.5 at the end, a voice will tell you what password to put into the form at the bottom to get a coupon for a free case of beer. Apparently the password is different for each score. I got a 7.7 and my password was Golden. Make sure you have some sound to hear your password.
|
|
| | | 169 | Motley Crue
ID: 2192327
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 18:06
|
Hey, Tom. Did I mention I don't even like Coors Lite? You SOB...
|
|
| | | 170 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 21:33
|
I never saw this Toyota Commercial.
Anyone else win a free case of beer beside MC and me?
|
|
| | | 171 | sarge33rd
ID: 670916
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 21:43
|
re 168...cute TB, real cute. :(
|
|
| | | 172 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 22:51
|
Dear Abby,
I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids, great job, and a great education.
When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks, A Fisherman
P. S. I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught...
Dear Fisherman,
Get rid of that narrow minded wife!
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| | | 173 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:10
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We all agreed that the guys in posts 71 and 77 are idiots. This guy belongs in the same club.
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| | | 174 | Motley Crue
ID: 2192327
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:15
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He looked like he did OK. Too bad, he deserved to learn a hard lesson.
Namely that ball sack hair doesn't grow back as fast as we'd all like to think it does.
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| | | 175 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:21
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LOL. I couldn't even watch it twice. It's like this video: More than ouch. The slow-mo replay is brutal.
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| | | 176 | Motley Crue
ID: 2192327
Fri, Oct 28, 2005, 23:36
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Man, you are full of rainbows and bunny rabbits tonight.
Maybe I'll talk to you later.
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| | | 177 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:35
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Don't forget diesel engines
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| | | 178 | Motley Crue
ID: 2192327
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:49
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What the F? Weird.
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| | | 179 | RecycledSpinalFluid
Dude
ID: 204401122
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 00:56
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TB, thank you for post 173. I near passed out laughing so hard.
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| | | 180 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 04:05
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I still think Beer Boy is funnier.
MC, that pic is from a British Honda Commercial. Pretty bizarre. I must have forgotten to eat my mushrooms before watching it.
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| | | 181 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 04:09
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This page isn't really funny. I just wanted everyone to know where to go in case they were looking for an Amish Moon And Stars WATERMELON
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| | | 183 | sarge33rd
ID: 670916
Sat, Oct 29, 2005, 22:07
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"young and impressionable people"....
is that creative writing for "really, really, REALLY stupid people" ?
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| | | 185 | TB
ID: 1286814
Mon, Oct 31, 2005, 11:19
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Nun and the Hippie
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way Bob the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver, "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." Well the hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. And right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!" The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!"
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| | | 186 | sarge33rd
ID: 148422311
Mon, Oct 31, 2005, 20:19
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just found a site FULL of older discontinued PC games for DL;
abandonia (abandon ware??)
Most are from game companies that have long since ceased to exist. (If this kind of site is "illegal", let me know and I'll delete the post/link.)
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| | | 187 | C1-NRB
ID: 24050310
Tue, Nov 01, 2005, 10:28
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Thanks, sarge!
I clicked that link hoping to find a long-lost game and I did on page 4.
Too many grade points were sacrificed to Wasteland the Spring semester of 1990.
A friend had it on a system with a 13" amber monitor. Between 6 and 10 of us would crowd around and watch/ help the primary player.
The writing made it great, not the graphics. Many a mutated rat was sent "into a spinning dance of death" or "exploded like a blood sausage."
Everyone eventually played it themselves, either on their own computer or a roommate's. One guy brought in a color monitor after Spring Break and we all played again just to see the "graphics" in color.
At one point there was a secret "tease"- a note on a desk referenced "Wasteland II- you shudder in anticipation." Alas, it never came to be. Good thing, too. Counted amoungst that group are a doctor (original game owner), an architect, and an accountant who started and finished the whole game in 24 hours because his roommate was moving out and taking the computer with him.
I'm going to have to find all those guys and send them this link.
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| | | 188 | sarge33rd
ID: 148422311
Tue, Nov 01, 2005, 11:30
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one of the links on that site, led me to one of my ALL time fave games: Silent Service II from Microprose.
Gonna have to figure out DOSbox now, so I can "relive" some of those past memories!!!!
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| | | 193 | Da Bomb
ID: 43359416
Tue, Nov 08, 2005, 01:08
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Rainbow Trip
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| | | 197 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Nov 09, 2005, 00:34
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Amazing Magic Trick I would have to see this live. What a trip. There is another video where he swallows a coin that a woman signs and then you watch it travel down his arm and he cuts it out of his skin. It is at the same site.
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| | | 198 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Wed, Nov 16, 2005, 20:33
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I thought this was kinda cool:
Seems a sheep farmer was puzzled about the disappearance of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks of sheep disappearing the farmer decided to put up an electric fence. About a week later, this is what he found!
Now, I know we've all heard of people being eaten by snakes and I bet most of us have said, "If a snake tried to eat me, I'd blah, blah, blah and get away. Well, this is a Python and they're extremely aggressive and have a few teeth that they use to hold their prey while they wrap around them and then constrict.
Could you get away if this one bit you and held on with it's "few teeth?"
Note: the wires are 10 inches apart.
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| | | 199 | sarge33rd
ID: 148422311
Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 11:16
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isnt that what Smith and Wesson is for?
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| | | 200 | TB
ID: 1286814
Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 12:49
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I was thinking Mossberg.
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| | | 201 | RecycledSpinalFluid
Dude
ID: 204401122
Thu, Nov 17, 2005, 12:51
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I was thinking street sweeper.
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| | | 202 | Da Bomb
ID: 43359416
Mon, Nov 21, 2005, 23:36
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The Shining in a different light.
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| | | 203 | beastiemiked
ID: 262411016
Mon, Nov 21, 2005, 23:46
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TB, great pics. My roommate is deathly afraid of snakes. Now I just need to put one of those as my screen savers and I know he'll never mess with my computer.
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| | | 204 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Tue, Nov 22, 2005, 21:23
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One of the guys in my office made the bottom pic his wallpaper.
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| | | 205 | Motley Crue
ID: 2192327
Tue, Nov 22, 2005, 23:44
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Wow, so Army guys really are crazy?
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| | | 208 | Great One
Sustainer
ID: 053272014
Thu, Nov 24, 2005, 10:53
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Thats prank idea is actually from Howard Stern. Some British guys ripped it off about a month after he did it. They even called the skit the exact same name.
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| | | 210 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Dec 01, 2005, 23:29
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Did anyone watch that sketch movie I posted right above? You can click on 16 and speed it up or click lower and slow it down. I wish I could draw like that.
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| | | 211 | C.SuperFreak
Sustainer
ID: 53771616
Mon, Dec 05, 2005, 15:35
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Mr. President on global warming
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| | | 212 | sarge33rd
ID: 148422311
Tue, Dec 06, 2005, 20:32
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The Christmas light display posted above in 206? :)
Here are the instructions on how to setup your own "Wizards of Winter" display:
Computerized Lighting Displays
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| | | 214 | Tosh
Leader
ID: 057721710
Thu, Dec 15, 2005, 03:14
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Potential Labor Troubles up North
At issue is Claus’ treatment of his large elvish work force, which annually produces some 700 million toys with a market value in excess of $14 billion. Critics claim that the elves work long hours for low pay under hazardous conditions. Particularly at issue is Claus' adamant refusal to give the elves any sort of health insurance and his stubborn insistence on keeping his manufacturing operations at the North Pole, where governmental oversight is nonexistent.
Claus’ spokes-elf, Celeste “Bubbles” Nognipper, is dismissive of the complaints. “Elves are immortal. They don’t need health insurance. This is just the griping of a few bad snowflakes.” As for the supposedly subhuman conditions, Nognipper points out that elves “aren’t human.”
“See how far immortality will get you after you’ve been mauled, chewed up and regurgitated by a thousand-pound bear,” retorts Twinkleflake. “Immortality doesn’t mean we can’t suffer wounds or feel pain. We need proper doctors and cheap pain-killers.”
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| | | 215 | wolfer
ID: 191043113
Thu, Dec 15, 2005, 09:45
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A beautiful young blonde boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.
The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again the blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman. He replies "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."
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| | | 216 | barilko6
ID: 231181916
Fri, Dec 23, 2005, 12:46
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Funniest site I have come across in a loooong time.
Santa Sez: (Sorry, it wouldn't let me create and insert a link for some reason)
http://www.santasez.sig-ad.com/
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| | | 217 | Perm Dude
Dude
ID: 030792616
Fri, Dec 23, 2005, 13:11
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They had that with a guy in a chicken outfit a few years ago. Freaked me out the first time I saw it.
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| | | 218 | TB
ID: 1286814
Mon, Jan 09, 2006, 11:06
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I am guessing that lots of people have seen this before, but it still cracks me up, especially when I have been lurking in the politics forum.
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats,
Republicans and Southern Republicans?
The answer can be found by posing the following question:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two
small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscene-
ities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are
carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot? What do
you do? You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answers:
1.Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
2. Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
3. Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?
4. Could we run away?
5. What does my wife think?
6. What about the kids?
7. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife
out of his hand?
8. What does the law say about this situation?
9. Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
10. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society and to my children?
11. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
12. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just
to wound me?
13. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?
14. Should I call 9-1-1?
15. Why is this street so deserted?
16. We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
17. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some
friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Southern Republican's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
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| | | 219 | TB
Sherpa
ID: 031811922
Thu, Jan 12, 2006, 01:23
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PICTURE ON THE NIGHTSTAND
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo
of another man on her nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously
asks. No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she
says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
reassured "No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
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