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| Posted by: Perm Dude
- [154552311] Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 19:30
First all, this isn't a plea for anyone here to donate money--let me be up front. But I'm looking for advice about how to raise some money. Please pardon the long post.
One Friday my Mom passed away. I was driving my family back to Ohio to see her at the time and was still about 3 hours away when I got the call. She was in end-stage pancreatic cancer and, when I spoke to her a couple of days before, it was pretty clear she was finishing up. She died, though, in her own house surrounded by family, friends, and dogs.
I was a little bummed she didn't get a chance to see my kids once more, but she left on her own terms so it is hard to argue with that.
My original plans were to drive the family in and stay the weekend with her, then my wife would drive back with the kids and I'd stay around in Ohio as long as needed and help plan the funeral. She'd indicated to my brother and sister that she had already made plans with our family's funeral director, that it was "all taken care of" and there was nothing to worry about. So Saturday morning at 9:30 a small group of us met with the funeral director.
Indeed, four years before, my mom laid out some detailed plans, selecting a particular casket, gave a lot of information for the announcement, and so on. Aside from updating the information, it was all planned out. Except for one thing: She hadn't paid a dime toward it. She had set up a payment plan but never made a single payment. After totaling everything up, it was over $6000.
Now, you have to understand that my family, particularly on my mom's side, is pure white trash. Many don't hold checking accounts, they live hand-to-mouth sometimes, their houses are a wreck and they drive cars sometimes made of parts from two or three other cars. And I love them to death. But they don't have any money. So you can imagine this was all a bit overwhelming, especially since we believed everything was done.
So we moved the service from Monday (today) to Friday to give us some time to raise money. We swapped a bottom-of-the-line casket for the one Mom wanted, got rid of a few other things, I chipped in $200 I had, and so on. The Director offered to put in $500 of his own money as well. But we're still about $2000 short.
I told everyone when they make calls about the service to tell people to chip in some money for the cost in lieu of flowers. And what I was thinking was something like a Facebook update, flat out asking people if they can donate something (ten or twenty bucks) in the form of a Paypal transfer. I've been holding off for two reasons:
1. I don't know how effective it is to ask, essentially, acquaintances to send in money for a stranger's funeral.
2. I'd rather keep the fact of my mom's poorness out of sight, if possible. Yeah, she was poor but she was a very good person. I'd just not have the only thing people know about her the fact that her family couldn't afford her funeral since she (and they) had no cash.
You guys excepting, of course.
Anyway, feedback is welcome. Do you think this might work, despite the embarrassment? What would you do if you got a facebook message about something like this--ignore it while putting a mental black mark against someone for asking? |
| | | 1 | biliruben
ID: 461142511
Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 19:35
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I'm very sorry to hear about your Mom, PD.
I don't really have any experience trying to raise money, but I'm sure if it were presented well, you would get a very positive response. Maybe not 2K positive, but every bit helps, right?
Maybe someone else out there has more experience with fund-raising.
Was she a member of a church?
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| | | 2 | biliruben
ID: 461142511
Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 19:39
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The reason I ask that last question, is that a couple of my friends have had their grandparents leave everything, house and all, to the church. They had first option to buy any heirlooms back. You'd hope it would go both ways.
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| | | 3 | Perm Dude
ID: 154552311
Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 19:41
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No church, unfortunately. She was nominally a Catholic but I don't think she really cared either way. She had a small group of friends she really enjoyed (mostly, playing D&D or other fantasy games, Magic, etc).
I think I'll work on presenting it well as a facebook thing. Put my writing/editing skills to work!
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| | | 4 | Myboyjack
Dude
ID: 014826271
Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 19:55
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Why do people spend so much money on funerals?
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| | | 5 | Perm Dude
ID: 154552311
Mon, Aug 10, 2009, 20:09
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When my mother-in-law passed away in 2008, she wanted to be cremated so it was only $2000 total.
Burials have all sorts of extra costs: body storage, embalming, makeup, etc. Plus the cost of the grave site and preparation.
If it were just my choice, I'd have a cremation and a simple service.
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| | | 6 | Madman
ID: 20131721
Tue, Aug 11, 2009, 01:56
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Sorry to hear that, PD.
Not sure about raising the money. Any social clubs or organizations she was involved with? But the same problems are there that you mention with your idea -- that people would find out. Dunno.
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| | | 7 | Tree
ID: 41371322
Tue, Aug 11, 2009, 03:40
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Sorry to hear about your loss, PD. My condolences and thoughts to you and your family.
She had a small group of friends she really enjoyed (mostly, playing D&D or other fantasy games, Magic, etc).
as an aside, i found this to be fascinating.
I think I'll work on presenting it well as a facebook thing. Put my writing/editing skills to work!
FB groups do work. Twitter also.
If you don't have a Twitter account, and if you want, i can tweet something from mine, just directing people to the FB account.
you never know what may come from the kindness of strangers.
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